Exhausted

Hi Juppy

Firstly, never apologise for being honest - that's exactly why I have come to this Community because it means we can tell the real, hard truth, rather than have to 'brave face' it.

I am so sorry that you are carrying all of this and walking on eggshells. It must be an extra layer of exhausting for you and the fact that you are writing this, and sharing it is incredible. You are incredible.

I, too, get incredibly frustrated with the 'be positive' comments. We all have to deal with this in our own way, and the more I hear the 'stay positive' people, the more I realise it says more about them than our situation. I think you are absolutely right - unless you are 'inside cancer' it really is too terrifying and massive for others to grasp, so I have started to take the position of being pleased for them that they don't understand - it means they haven't had to face it and that's great for them. It doesn't help us, but it's not their fault they don't understand and I bet they would be mortified of they understood how painful those words can feel.

I want you to know that your post is the first I have read (I literally just joined the Community a few mins ago - have not yet been ready since my husband was diagnosed with incurable oesophageal cancer less than nine weeks ago) and that I hear you. As I am sure many others who read it will hear you too. You are not alone. Vent at will in safe spaces such as these. The 'brave' and 'protective' face is exhausting and I am so pleased you found somewhere to let it out a bit.

I am not going to tell you it's going to be fine, but I will tell you again, you are not alone. And you are incredible. You are doing this, enduring it, feeling it, and you are still putting one foot in front of the other and that is no mean feat. It may feel ridiculous to hear, but be proud of you for what you are dealing with every second of every day. It's not easy, but you are doing this, with all of the pain, exhaustion, changes in the dynamic of your relationship, and you are amazing.

Hoping for better times ahead for you, and regardless, we're here for you.

I too feel similar.... 

hi just read your post - you are not alone i am feeling the same looking after my dad and doing  full time job - exhausted 

Tired of people saying have a rest and get sometime to yourself - again like you on the edge to say something back ,   how ever i find this site to read and share how i am feeling and do not feel alone - 

Oh what a lovely response!  Thanks so much, you have made my day.  Also that strategy of feeling happy that others are not going through the pain to understand- that’s perfect and that’s exactly right for me to use.  It will help me reframe things in a way that helps me be the way I want to be - patient and kind and understanding.

Welcome to the forum and I’m very sorry to hear about your husband.  I hope you find the strength and connections here for your support that you’ve already given me.  Best wishes.

It’s nice to know I’m not crazy and others are feeling similar challenges.  I’m glad we are here to support each other.  It makes me feel not so alone. 

Hi Juppy

I hear you....my husband was diagnosed with incurable lung and brain cancer in February, since then we've been through brain surgery, radiotherapy and currently Immumo Therapy.  Logic would tell you that something like this should bring you closer together, for me it feels the opposite.  He's mostly irritated with me and yesterday when I had an emotional melt down he gave me a half hearted hug, said I don't know how to help you with this and carried on working on his computer.  We've been together since 2010, had our 4th wedding anniversary in March this year and we've been in the UK for 3 years.  I'm South African - he's a British citizen but grew up in SA - we went through a terribly difficult time to get here, gave up everything we'd built in SA to basically start from the bottom here and had 2 wonderful years before this hit us. I wanted to start working just before we got this news, he didn't want me to work when we got here but being a housewife isn't for me, now my anxiety is through the roof for the future, my life is on hold and I don't know what to do.  I love living here but for the first time I just want to get on a plane and go see my mom and friends in SA, it's hard going through this with no friends or family here.  My heart breaks for him and I feel totally helpless that I can't help him when he's suffering but I often feel frustrated that he's not aware of the fear that I deal with on a daily basis.

Sorry for the vent but your post hit home with me, I hope we can all find some peace at some point!

Take care and reach out whenever you need to chat....thank you for sharing what you're going through, it gave me the opportunity to do the same:-)

xxxx

Oh gosh it is such a challenge.  Moving country is hard enough, but now I can’t imagine what you’re going through.  Having to worry so much about your future intertwined with the trauma of what he’s going through is so hard.  My husband refuses to make a will.  So there we are on that.  

That must make you feel a bit desperate too - a will is such an important thing to do....maybe he doesn't want to do it because the action of actually putting one together is almost an acceptance of the situation he's in....it's terrifying for those suffering with the disease and those of us trying to care for our loved ones.

xxxx

Yes, I’m sure that’s what’s going on.  I have no idea what I’ll face if the worst comes to pass.  But there’s really nothing I can do about it so I’ve had to decide to worry about that later.

Hi just read your post. Feeling completely exhausted today. We found out my husband had  advanced malenoma in December after 2 long years of surgery and scans. It is incurable and he is currently on immunotherapy, which he seems to have gone done the list of side affects so we have been in and out if A&E. He has been better in the last few weeks health wise but he had a ct scan recently and now we are waiting for the results. Treading on eggshells is exhausting. Trying to hold together your own worries about the future, whilst being careful what you say is tricky. Reading these posts has helped me realise I am not alone. 

Thank you