Please bear with me. I dont know who else to talk to.
My partner was diagnosed with stage 4 throat cancer in Dec 20. In Jan 21 he had a radical laryngectomy and has since had chemo and radiotherapy.
I am and have been with him 100% of the way. I can see the effect it has had physically and mentally. I have been there through all the lows.
I lost myself, I was his carer, nurse, driver, advocate, defender everything. I dont think he sees this. I stayed away from on family to protect him from covid.
He cannot accept he is cancer free, he definitely cannot accept the laryngectomy and its real life effects. He has become so negative. He lives in a bubble of misery.
I dread coming home, I work full time and have become a grandma recently and those babies are my happy place!
He has pushed everyone away, he can't empathise with what anyone else may be going through. I used to defend him for it!!
I have broke, he threw such a tantrum a few weeks ago, throwing his bag at me, smashed his trutone at the wall, raging he wants to be dead..I didn't say anything just got up and went home.
Since then nothing apart from collecting the dog. He has no idea he has destroyed me. When I have asked how his psychology appointments are..he says that they say all his reactions and feelings are ok and other people should accept this is him!!
Where did my partner, friend, soul mate go??
hi Strugglin
So sorry to read about what you have been going through and can certainly relate to the way you are feeling. In my years here I have seen many relationships torn apart by cancer and of course the grief we all go through for that future we dreamt of.
If we look at Your feelings when someone has cancer I am sure everyone recognizes some of the many stages we all go through. The one I had to learn the hard way was the bit about looking after me.
Add in covid of course and everything can feel even more miserable, I regularly deal with colleagues who feel they are being forced back in to the workplace and bosses who deny that is happening. I know there were times when work almost felt like a refuge where I was still in control and the world still somehow "made sense".
<<hugs>>
Steve
Hi Strugglin
You are of course right that nobody knows exactly where you are and even more so nobody has a magic wand that can make all your troubles go away. Perhaps the best anyone can do is stand beside a friend and notice their pain. At work when I talked about all I had been through people called me inspirational. Some people call be wife brave - at that point I leave the room, it winds her up no end - as if she ever wanted cancer.
<<hugs>>
Steve
