Grieving the marriage we had before cancer

Hi . I know exactly how you feel. We had a full and happy marriage until cancer reared it’s ugly head. It robbed us of so many things that we’d previously taken for granted. My strong reliable, capable husband gradually became an ill  person I was caring for. Our roles  changed completely. Over time we got used to it and our love grew even stronger. I lost him 2 weeks ago and miss him terribly. Cancer messes with your life in so many ways. Take time to process your feelings x

Hi, I know exactly how you’re feeling.  My mum has been diagnosed with brain mets.  It’s changed her personality, she needs full care.  I grieve for her, I miss the lovely relationship I used to have with her.  I also feel huge guilt for grieving my previous life too.  I’m exhausted, it’s physically and emotionally draining.  I don’t think she has long to live, and the romantic idea I had of ‘spending quality time together making memories’ is in reality, managing her incontinence, pain, picking her up when she’s fallen again.  I can’t sleep, I just worry and cry all the time.  It’s so hard.

I so sympathize with you and your wife, maybe you should talk to a therapist or therapeutic group. It's very exhausting.. 

Hello

the only advice I would offer is try not to concentrate on negative emotions, they do you no good, you can’t change the past, enjoy every single day you have with your Wife, make every day count, tell her repeatedly how much you love her, hold her hand, listen to music, just enjoy each other’s company. Believe me I know how tough this is, al,I have now are memories, so the more you can make together out of your love for one another is the best way to go.

take care 

Reading this post is exactly where I am at...I just keep trying to focus on the positives  but very hard to do so and I find it so draining as that relaxed, happy relationship we had seems out of reach... I feel horrible for feeling the way I do.

Take care 

Absolutely   how can a life change overnight,droves me mad when people say make most of the time you have ,er well yes we would if he was well enough easily said than done,also relationships between friends are also the same they become distanced so whole life changes,hard to except life will never be the same again 

1. Reading your post struck a cord with me. My husband is undergoing treatment for his cancer. He's had surgery and now chemo. I feel permanently agitated, resentful, insecure and unsettled. I can't make the most of now because I am too bogged down with negative feelings and I'm exhausted. I can't shake it off. I feel like i can't convey to my husband just how bad it feels and end up feeling very angry. He's focus is very much on physical recovery which I completely get but my focus is different. Watching your partner go through cancer and having no control has almost destroyed me. I wish I didn't feel this way but I do. 

I completely understand the angery feeling... the lack of control is so hard and drains me. I went through a stage of thinking my feelings didn't matter but I have learnt through the journey that they do... I hate feeling how I do, I almost want to apologise but I can't help it, the feelings are there. 

I just keep holding on to the positives as I said in first post... not sure it will work but got to try something! It is a comfort to know others feel the same and I am learning not to feel bad about how I feel. 

Take care 

I hear you. I also have tried to by pass my feelings and felt bad for having them but I realise they matter too. Your not alone.