Feeling angry and irritable today

Hi JPSclouds,

It is amazing how things start to get under our skin, your reaction is totally normal - sucks though.

<<hugs>>

steve

It is difficult isnt it, you are only human, we can only take so much, some of us break down and cry, some of us get angry, it's tough at times. I took it in turns with my sisters to look after my mum when she had terminal cancer, some days mum would want to get up and chat at 3 oclock  in the morning when I really needed to sleep, she list track of time, it didnt mean anything to her, if she was awake she assumed everyone else were, I remember a time when she was adamant there were squirrels in her bedroom at 2am and wouldnt rest until I looked in the drawers and under the bed reassuring her they weren't there. It was hard but I miss her so much. I am now caring for my husband who also has terminal cancer. I am scared of the here and now and what will happen as he deteriorates and scared of the future without him. I know it's hard but just go with the flow, if she wants you to watch tv with her then do, she won't be here forever and you will wish you had. Give her a hug, it will do you both good. Take care and stay strong x

Thanks White Diamonds, yes you're right of course - I do hug mum, watch tv with her, and do everything with her, 24/7 - sometimes I just have a bit of a wobble and miss my freedom.  This time it was because I was very absorbed with messaging a friend, and mum became a bit petulant that I wasn't paying attention when she wanted to share a laugh about her tv show - she doesn't recognise any notion that something else might be important to me!  I know how lucky I am to have her. 

I do hope things go well for your husband, it's all so uncertain and I'm also very afraid of deterioration - when mum was very sick and delirious, it was a sort of taste of what could be in store, however much we wish our loved ones (and ourselves, I suppose!) can have a peaceful, pain and anxiety free going-to-sleep-forever we know it can be awful for them and us too.

It's hard  being the one they depend on for everthing. I'm an only child and do the vast majority of  looking after my mums needs wants demands ect. I do most of the journeys to and from permanent  chemo, every hospital appointment,  fill in forms, shop, ect and on the odd occasion  others help they get praise and  gratitude and I occasionally get a thanks. Last week we saw my mums consultant for her last 3 months chemo review ( cancer under control so all good ) she made a point of telling the consultant how wonderful her sister is as she came up to collect her washing and is bringing it back the next week, even though I offered to do it but apparently I use a tumble  dryer and don't hang  it out. I don't want a huge gesture but I'm the one driving her everywhere,  never ask for petrol or parking, shop, cook, tidy up,  organise  things,  ect im actually thinking of changing my name to Oh as every time she rings she say oh Claire...then  am asked to get, collect, order or do something!!

I know just what you mean, I think it's very common for other family members to sit or step back while one does everything.  I am a very private person and for most of my adult life I've lived alone by design - I was very happy with my own company and have really struggled when I've lived with someone or shared a house, so it is very hard to adapt to staying with mum all the time.  

I know when she's gone I'll be glad I did it, though and I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do whatever is necessary for her to be happy but temporarily, it means sacrificing my own happiness.  It's very hard to deal with that, and I worry about coming over as very self-centred because I tend to use this forum to express those feelings when I can't really say it to anyone else.