Dealing with insensitive comments

Oh how awful!  I think it is hard for people to know what to say.  They start by trying to be sympathetic and then to show they know something of what you are going through and suddenly it becomes about them and their suffering and you end up thinking “and how did we get here and how should I respond to this?”  I try to remember that they are trying to be nice, even when they get it horribly wrong and make you feel worse.  My husband has the opposite issue… everyone is trying to be cheery snd say “oh, you’ll be fine” but of course that isn’t always helpful either because it feels like they don’t understand how serious it is.  And then there are people who don’t know what to say and so say nothing.  The best ones are those who politely inquire and then just listen.  My husband and I have bonded a little over joking over the most inappropriate things people have said.  Again, I let him lead here because I don’t want to get it wrong myself… bitterly joking about something that is not a joke.  I wish you peace and comfort… I finally went to a therapist because I needed someone I could share my raw emotions to without having to filter.  That helps keep me emotionally resilient for everything I hsve to deal with.

Hi Juppy

Thank you so much for your reply which has really helped me make sense of why people do this.  I agree they are only intending  to show sympathy but I wish some people would think about what they say before they say it. You are so right when you said the best ones are those who politely inquire then just listen.  We have amazing and really supportive neighbours (3 of whom have experienced cancer in their lives themselves recently too) they will always inquire and listen.  Sometimes we just want people to just listen. Thank you so much for your advice once again.  It is so good to speak to someone who has first hand experience of this awful disease. 

I think you were wise to say nothing. As for the man, well some people can't help it can they. You have to wonder how he knew ?. Ive told few people and likewise, few comments. 

Hi Tony 73 I am glad I said nothing too.  We also wondered how this man knew as we did not tell many people.  My neighbour who's  mum passed away from  terminal cancer told me this had happened to them. It suddenly became public her mum (who lived with her) had terminal cancer even though her mum made it clear she did not want everyone to know. My neighbour told me she later discovered that it was her mum's best friend had been upset with the news and then told everyone.   It appears that some people are just unable to maintain confidentiality.  I have learnt from this experience that is wise to tell only a few  selected trusted  people who you know are able to  keep quiet.