My mum(who is now 54) was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer and given an approximate prognosis of 5 years. It's now been 6 years since her diagnosis.
Before her diagnosis she already had other conditions including fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, glaucoma, interstitial cystitis and atherosclerosis.
Safe to say she hasn't had an easy life anyway. She's dealt with depression for as long as I can remember and of course there has been a whole lot of ups and downs.
She has been caring for my papa(who is 87) and actually lives with him 5/7 days a week.
She barely gets to see my step dad, so there's that strain on her relationship, not to mention that he isn't a great emotional communicator so he doesn't really show sympathy or empathy for her. It's not his fault, it's just who he is(although sometimes it can be really frustrating for me as I'm my mum's sounding board)
Since the 5 years is past, I think she feels like she's going to die soon(even though her doctors are quite positive as it hasn't progressed a whole lot in that time). It's like she's giving up the fight.
Most of the time she is stoic about her diagnosis and the fact that she will die. However, and I totally understand this, she has started to just feel really down and withdrawing herself from everyone. Normally, she tells me almost everything but all she'll say to me now is that she is scunnered and when I try to say things to cheer her up or take her kind off things, she just shuts down. She says she's just so sick of being tired all the time and not being able to do the things she used to do.
She can still drive, so she has some independence but I need to do her and my papa's housework because neither of them are fit to do it anymore.
My mum used to be the type of person who couldn't sit down until the house was perfectly tidy and she had done her to-do list for the day. Now she isnt for to do these things and it's tearing her apart.
It breaks my heart that I can't make her feel better or take her pain away or even just give her one really good day. I struggle to even get her to smile now and it's tearing me apart.
If anyone has any advice, I'd be really grateful. I know you're all going through things(as are most people) but I just feel like nobody around me understands(my husband tries, but he just doesn't seem to get it, bless him).
P.s. I am an atheist and don't believe in anything after death so the idea of a heaven is of no comfort to me. When people say things about heaven or god, I sometimes just get so angry, even though they mean well. It's a difficult thing to deal with.
Thanks in advance.
Hi
Sorry to read your story and all the things that are happening in your mum's life and the impact it then has on you. Have your mum and your papa had a needs assessment?
I ask because I wonder if a bit of support for them might help to support you and give you a bit more time to be loving daughter/grand daughter rather than what sounds like a full time carer.
I know when my parents were ill one thing that became quite precious was looking back through family albums and learning a lot of things about their history. It really helped to round out the life of the remarkable people who brought us up that we could so easily have lost.
<<hugs>>
Steve
