Complex relationship issues

You sound exhausted! What a very difficult situation you have been coping with, and all alone too. I know it's not easy to see a GP at the moment, but could it be worth trying to get at least a phone appt? They may know of support groups local to you or offer some other advice. I wonder if your Dad would accept the carers if you were to be ill, or have to go away for a week or two? Is there some way the GP might be able to find some respite for him so you could have a rest? 

Hello peachez and thanks for your reply!

ive tried my GP and they just palm me off with anti depressants. What I really need is to talk I think and get things off my chest. I am back at work next week so maybe it will be a blessing in disguise to start mingling with people again then he will have to start relying on the carers. I’ve tried the respite thing he does t want any of it he just wants me. I’ll ring the GP on Monday to see if I can be referred for talking theroay and see what happens. Thanks again for taking the time to reply! 

Bless you, you sound like a saint!  You’ve hung in there amazingly well.  Yes I would try for therapy or a group. Lots of people here have similar challenges, but connections are random as people are on and off the site with their own demanding schedules and caring responsibilities.  I am really struggling right now too. I admitted to a friend today (who I had promised something but was late to deliver) that outwardly you might think I am functioning well, but in reality I’m only just holding it together.  I sometimes feel my husband isn’t happy unless I am miserable.  I know it’s a hard thing to say, but I feel like he needs to see me constantly caring for him or he doesn’t feel loved.  And in a strange way he is jealous and feels cheated if I enjoy myself while he is fighting this disease.  I am exhausted so that I can’t keep it going physically or emotionally, but I’m also so worried about not doing enough.  Even when he is being unreasonable I worry that in 2 months he’ll get a terminal diagnosis and I will have regrets about everything I didn’t do for him.  I’m not saying that’s a reasonable way to feel, but it is reality.  I am seeing a therapist now and that has really helped.  You’re right the site does not like to see too much negative emotions, and I only share a little more rawly because I think it’s emotionally very helpful to know others struggle with these kinds of things.

Morning juppy thanks for your reply!

I guess it’s not just me then and no I’m definitely not a saint

I’ve been in the same place as you where it’s a constant roller coaster of guilt and that you must carry on in case there’s a worsening of the disease and you don’t want to feel guilty and if you look back did you do enough. That’s where I’ve been at for 18 months of it. It’s a tough lonely road and one I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Glad the therapy is helping you and I wish you and your husband all the best Xx