Absolute minefield....

Hi

Welome to the community though sorry to hear about your husband, For me it is my wife with the cancer; we have one son now 17 but rather younger when my wife was first diagnosed.

Janice's cancer is different, Leiomyosarcoma and she has had two lots of chemotherapy. One was more challenging - worked well against the cancer but the side effects were too serious to continue but the second had almost no impact at all - apart from putting her cancer to sleep - we have been living with cancer now for 6 years.

There is no need to apologise on here, life can be really difficult and managing life when our partners have cancer and we are raising children can be very tricky. It might help to look at Looking after someone with cancer to see really how normal your emotions might be. I recognize a lot in what you say and I did a living with less stress course that really helped me.

In terms of your children it might help to look at Talking to children and teenagers and a really useful tip is to bring their class teachers on board too as they can often be helpful in giving support at school too.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Ive only just seen I had a reply so Thanks so much for your reply.... I'm so sorry to hear you've been living with cancer for 6 years. 

My son is constantly asking questions now so I do think we must tell him... I need to be strong enough to do it firstly.i just know his dad's chemo is going to start at the beginning of the holidays, and things are going to be tough. 

I'm so glad found this community I've learnt I'm not being selfish when I burst into tears, and I'm not alone.... 

Sending your family love and best wishes xxx 

Hi, I’m new to posting here, but have been through a similar journey. My husband was diagnosed with  stage 3 rectal cancer and multiple myeloma in April 2018. Our 2 boys were 15 and 11. It was like being caught in a surreal world. We were open with the boys from early on. We didn’t go into the details with them but did tell them their dad had cancer and was going to have treatment to sort it out. Since then there’s been a lot of treatment and the myeloma is in remission. For us it was important to be open with the boys. It’s a really tough journey but they were at an age where it would be impossible to hide and by talking openly about it, it made it leas scary. To be honest your husband sounds a lot like mine. He has worked all the way through his many treatments and I truly believe it has been one of the most important parts of his care. Right now he’s back on chemo for nodules in the lungs. He’s feeling pretty awful this time but work again helps him feel ‘normal’. 

My only advice is to listen to your gut. You know your children better than anyone else. When and how you think the time is right to talk to them will be right. 

sending you much love x

Thanks so much. My son is the eldest and very mature really, his dad is due a staging laporoscopy on Tuesday and then chemo will start with surgery after. me and his dad have discussed it and decided to be honest as I'd be so devastated if he found out... they both know dad isn't well and really take it on board... its the holidays too soon they are going to be around more harder to hide from them. 

We know now once this laporoscopy is done the rocky road starts..... we need to be a unit to do it. 

Good to know your husband carried on and worked,I've told my partner will just have to see how you feel it affects people differently. 

Thanks so much for your reply xxx