Hello fellow carers
My Aunt was diagnosed with metastasized cancer back at the end of January, with a diagnosis of not lasting the year, unfortunately she is refusing any further tests or treatment so we do not know what the primary cancer is.
Its been a roller coaster as she has dementia type symptoms, which means one day I'm the best thing since sliced bread then the next I'm the wicked witch of the west. I live 3.5 hours away and juggling life, work and this is becoming a brain bender.
Fortunately, after getting the GP to come and see her a couple of weeks ago they Fast Tracked her care and she is now in a home, which I thought would be a relief that she is being looked after. However, the dementia type symptoms means she is swinging from loving the place and then next she hates it and wants to go home. I know she is safe in the care home and based on my concerns would not be safe at home alone.
I am the only family she has and she has managed to alienate most of her friends. Although I am LPA for her I am struggling to get answers as to her continued care and the future. I know I shouldn't moan as she is in a safe place, but the last 5 months trying to keep up with her changing moods and strange behaviour it would be good to get some answers and know what the next few months may hold.
I don't know if anyone else has been through a similar experience, but would be good to know there is a lifeline out there.
Hi @ems24 and welcome to the community.
So sorry to hear about your aunt, things sound not so dissimilar to what happened with my dad though for him it was not cancer.
It can be a bit of a comfort knowing what kind of cancer but of course many of the tests can be quite invasive - what my poor wife suffered until they finally found out what she had was not easy and if she would not go for treatment anyway the decision might be the considered rather sensible. I know some people choose a pet name for their cancer and give it a separate identity and they found that quite helpful.
My dad struggled in the care home from time to time; including using my mother in a wheelchair as a battering ram on the door.
Without those tests of course what the future might hold is going to be little more than an educated guess. Will the dementia type symptoms "win" the race to the end or will it be the cancer - there is likely to be no answer.
I did a living with less stress course that really helped me. I was always trying to work out how I would cope in some black future rather than appreciating what I have in the here and now.
Please come here whenever you need - because one thing I had to learn was to reach out for help myself, we all need to remember to look after ourselves somewhere in the equation because if we get broken our loved ones are likely to suffer even more.
<<hugs>>
Steve
