Struggling with seeing people

FormerMember over 4 years ago

2 replies
37 subscribers
572 views

Hi,

My husband was diagnosed with mantle cell lymphoma a few years ago and has successfully come out of the other side of the Nordic regime.

It was very tough on us both especially trying to hide the worst of it from our boys ( now 5 and 8). I had treatment at the time and was doing fairly well.

I know we are really lucky that at the moment his cancer is under control though it will never be cured, but I am still struggling emotionally and COVID has not helped, especially with work being crazy busy for the both of us.

The thing I am particularly finding hard at the moment is actually coming out of lockdown. The more I see people the more they talk of plans of what they are going to do etc. I find this a really difficult conversation to have as I know my husband will not be cured and our time is limited ( with an undetermined timespan). I find this really gets to me as I feel my future has been taken from me and I can only plan for a very short time span. I can smile through it whilst with people but I am absolutely exhausted from this effort afterwards and start feeling down.

I am starting to find I don’t want to make plans to meet up with people as I know how awful I will feel afterwards. I am speaking to professionals, however I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this and how they deal with it?

LC 50 over 4 years ago

Hi Hopedragon,

I'm sorry that your husband has this diagnosis and uncertain prognisis. I can definitely understand how you feel about conversations with other people bringing home the reality of yours and your husband's situation. I feel the same way my husband was diagnosed with incurable brain cancer 20 months ago. His tumour has progressed oved the last few months and he's getting worse symptoms now. He's still taking chemo so we are not giving up but we know it can't be cured and our time is probably very limited now. Our neice has just announced she's getting married next April and I talk to friends who are planning holidays or outings and I can't help thinking that we may not be at the wedding together and we won't have another holiday now and I feel sick!

I too feel like we've had our future taken from us and it is unbearable sometimes. Even watching programmes like escape to the country when people are retiring together to some beautiful countryside house I feel a stab of pain and think that was going to be our plan. I'm not ever resenting other people and would wish them all good luck but I feel like adding...please make the most of it because you just never know!!

I think when we're living every day with this diagnosis life becomes day to day. If it's a good day for your husband enjoy that day. That's what we've decided to do now. My husband seems to have 1 goodish day then feels bad the next, the good days we do whatever he feels able to do and we try and enjoy it. We still talk about the future together occasionally although we both know these things are unlikely to happen, while he's still here with me there's still a chance.

I hope you can find a way to see other people as its probably important to keep your friends and family around for support wishing you love and best wishes xx

FormerMember over 4 years ago in reply to LC 50

Thanks for sharing your story with me LC 50. It really helps to know someone else understands.

I hope you and your husband get to share some more wonderful times together. Every day is special.

More from this forum

Struggling with seeing people