I know I'm wrong

My hubby has just been diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer .... Im fed up with people telling me how sorry they are .... he’s not dead yet .... 

Yep, I get that too. I say that he's not dead yet and there is a good chance he will survive this. Or you get well he's had a good life! I mean wtaf! 

Hi both,

one member on here once was discussing their loved one in front of them and told them the patient was going to die and they were very angry. The advice we came up with was to look them straight in the eye and tell them "so are you".

My driving however - that will get us in the end.

Sorrow/pity is a fairly hopeless emotion really - been there had that and the stew tasted awful. I have had some friends try to protect me from things because clearly I could not cope with the extra pressure. Strangely they too away the part of my role I was really proud and really good at.

The best I can come up with is they are trying - friends telling me my wife looks well or is very brave - she really hates the brave label.

We cope, infact we manage really well because we know where the help is and tap in whenever we need.

<<hugs>>

Steve

I hear you.  My mum has stage 4 cancer, and all of a sudden family members who hardly ever chat to me expect me to keep them updated....makes me annoyed that when mum was healthy not much interest is took.  Now she is ill they want me to update them >.<  And if i dont update them with everything i am made to look like a bad person :O

I wonder why people do this, I feel its a bit like the grief wagon.  Where people can be oh the woes of me.  Even his mum which never has much to do with him all of a sudden he's the golden child! (which in my eyes he's always is a golden child lol) but she's telling Tom dick n Harry who we don't even know! I'm like we're a private family, can we please keep this private??!!

My husband has advanced stage 4 cancer and the constant updates people want drive me insane , now when people  too often ask " how is he?" I simply reply , he's still got cancer . 

My biggest gripe as a carer would be that if you dont agree with someone about something/anything, its because it must seem trivial to me as my husband has cancer . Like I apparently can't have an opinion on anything because its influenced by the cancer

My husband also has Stage 4 cancer and I'm also getting asked the same thing over and over. As well as saying things like 'I don't know how you cope'. As if there is a choice - you just have to!

Yes! Exactly this!!!!

I'm training to be a therapist at uni, and my mother in law said I don't know why our still doing it.... I'm still studying cos life goes on! Plus it keeps me sane. We carry on because we have to.

Xxxx

We cope because we have to,  we have no choice.  And If I had a choice I still would cope because you just do xxx