New member

Hi and welcome to the community, though sorry to hear about your mother in law and the impact this has on your entire family.

My wife never wanted to know "how long" when she was diagnosed and I really struggled with that. In our 6 years now living with cancer I have seen a great many people out live a prognosis, some who die earlier than expected leaving a family often feeling robbed and others who seem to die to order. I came to realise a prognosis is at best an educated guess and my observation is that oncologists tend to be just a bit pessimistic at times.

There is a lot of good information in our pages Looking after someone with cancer and for the children Talking to children and teenagers, perhaps the most important thing I found though is just keep talking but like all forms of communication remember to listen too. If the children are at school really worthwhile talking with their teacher too and then the children get a consistent message from all the adults that will support them.

Remember especially too - take some time for you, it is so easy to offer everything to everyone else until we have nothing left,

<<hugs>>

Steve

Thank you

Hi, I’ve just joined the group too and seem to be in a very similar situation to you. 
my mother in law was diagnosed with untreatable advanced cancer in her lungs, liver, stomach and bowel. The doctors have said she probably only has a couple of months. She lives with me, my husband and our 3 and 4 year old boys and has done since our eldest was born. She has been a mum and best friend to me for the 12 years me and her son have been married. It has come as such a shock to us all and we have no idea how to tell the children. Its so utterly devastating to even think about.

if you want to talk about anything just message me. And I’m really sorry your family is going through all this too.

xx

Hi Becky340,

I'm sorry to jump onto this thread but your story really resonates with me. 

My mum was diagnosed with advanced bowel cancer which has spread to her lungs, liver and possibly kidneys too.  We were told on Friday and I'm devastated.  If she doesn't start chemo then she was told she had months, maybe weeks left, so they've suggested she starts chemo which could buy her a year, but then she would obviously have the side effects of chemo limiting her quality of life.  She doesn't know what to do and I don't know how to help her. 

Is your mother-in-law going to try having any treatment?  Is she going to stay living with you?  My mum currently lives on her own (I've offered for her to stay with me but she won't because it's a small house and apparently unfair on my 6 and 4 year old boys).  I honestly have no idea what happens now...

x

Hi, sorry for the delay getting back to you. I’m sorry for your devastating news too!

my mother in law was told she cannot have any treatment. They said it is too advanced. She can’t even have palliative radiotherapy as she has a heart condition. She is on increasing levels of morphine and now anti sickness meds too. We still haven’t told our children and have no clue how or when to do that.

she will continue to live with us. She would prefer to be at home when she dies and we want her to be there with us too. I was a nurse before my own problems meant I had to stop so I feel able to help look after her and I love her so much that I want to do whatever I can to help her,

how is your family coping? Did your mum in law start any treatment? 

Hi, 

My mother in law has been offered some chemo which may give her more time the consultant said no longer than 9 months. She has agreed to trial it she starts tomorrow it will be reviewed in 1 week. If her body or cancer is not tolerating it then it will be stopped. 

We still have not told the children my husband wants to this week but im not sure whether waiting till she dies might be kinder. My husband is not coping I am just continuing as normal or as best as I can with work and sorting children out. 

Hope you are doing ok