Hi. New to this experience and just looking for advice. My wife was diagnosed with stage 4 non hodgkin's lymphoma in September and has just finished chemo and high dose methotrexate treatment. Had her post treatment pet scan yesterday so now waiting for the outcome. During this time i have been juggling full time work (i'm a key worker) and trying to support my wife and children. This week i feel awful. I've been so focused on trying to juggle everything and keeping things as normal as possible over the last six months and now that the treatment has finished for now, i am aware of how much my mind and body have suffered. I've been scared to admit that i've been struggling as i didn't want people to worry about me when it's my wife that has gone through the treatment and pain. I feel awful and selfish. I really don't know where to turn now, i know my mental health has suffered and only seems to be getting worse both mentally and physically. Has anyone had the same problem? This is the first time i've talked about this anywhere or to anyone since my wife was diagnosed and to be honest i'm struggling to get my experience written in words. If anyone could offer some advice i would be extremely grateful!
HI Whaddonroad1
so sorry to hear about your wife.
My husband was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour in Sept 2020 and since then I've been juggling the caring and working fulltime. I too am technically a keyworker but at least I have the luxury of being able to work from home.
Juggling both roles is a tough gig. Like you I don't want folk to worry about me so generally adopt the "I'm fine" approach when folk ask. What I have discovered is vital for me maintaining my own mental and physical wellbeing is being that wee bit selfish and taking the time to go for a walk/run, read a book etc. I have a small core group of friends who I can open up to and be totally honest about how I am feeling. They can't pretend to understand the situation but they care and they listen without judgment ( and there may have been the odd "illegal" but medicinal hug too)
I can't fault my employer. They have been very supportive and flexible with time off for appointments etc. It helps to be totally honest with them. I do find that work helps to keep me focused on something other than my husband's condition but there are days that the cracks appear. I need to get better at saying " I need a couple of hours time out." I hope your employer is as understanding.
You mention struggling to get your experience written in words and I know what you mean. It's impossible to articulate this and still sound sane. That's normal I believe. I do also journal as means of supporting my own mental health. I write all the frustrations and hurt and pain out and that does help.
This forum helps too. You're not alone once you've reach out on here and there are some days that it's easier to link in with strangers to vent.
Hang in there. Not sure any of my words of wisdom will help but I hope they do.
take care
Wee Me x
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