My grandad was diagnosed with bowel cancer with liver mets in November. Previous to that my auntie had breast cancer which had spread further.
In February we sadly lost my auntie, having not seen or spoken to her for a while due to covid and her voice fading making phone calls difficult. I’m really struggling with the reality of losing my granddad.
My dad and brother dont want him passing away at home, however my nan wants him home as long as possible.
I fully understand their reason of thinking of nan in all of this, its a strain for us all and more so for her having to deal with grieving for her daughter and caring for taid.
But I feel like the family are isolating me. I’m the one who does the more “personal” side of the care, sort drs and nurses ect. My dad and brother help if he’s struggling to move, stand ect.
All day they’ve been saying “he has to go somewhere it isnt fair on nan” but she doesnt want him to leave yet, which i can totally understand. They’ve been married 60 years! She’s lost one person and she’s facing the reality of losing another.
I really just wish there was a way my dad and brother and even rest of the family could understand that having a go at me wont make nan change her mind. We cant force her into a decision.
Although what theyre saying is coming from a good place i feel so alone in all of this. My dad and brother are close, it feels like they never speak to me like family anymore, im just a carer who’s there to make their lives easier. My nan and taid have been a huge part of my life, we’ve all lived together. They are my world and i dont think my family realise how much these people meant to me. My auntie was someone i could go visit, have a chat and forget things for a while. Now that isnt there anymore and im really feeling quite lost.
hate posting things like this but i truly feel i have no where left to turn to. Thanks anyone who read this x
Hi @carwj13 and welcome to the community - though so sorry to hear about your grandad and your auntie.
I am heartened to see you recognize that everyone is trying to help but I am also sure many of here will recognize your feelings of being alone. Sometimes it feels like the world just keeps moving on around us and we somehow stand outside and it can feel a little like we have become invisible.
The issue of what care needs someone has and if they can be met at home is often quite a difficult one. The local council is supposed to do a needs assessment for the person with cancer but also a carers assessment to ensure that we do not break - really rather important to know we will be ready when most needed - that might then bring in a third party to not make it a difference in opinion inside the family - I am sure that is the last thing your grandad would want anyway.
With my dad I was not close enough to do much in the way of hands on care and a lot fell to to my sisters. Eventually however my dad got to need 24/7 care and had to move to a care home - though it was next door to the supervised accommodation my mother lived in by then - they were also married 60 years - even got a card from the queen ( https://www.royal.uk/sites/default/files/media/download_a_wedding_anniversary_message_form.pdf )
Thank you for posting here - I hope it helped you and others who see your message may well be encouraged to step forward and get some help to. Just know you are never alone - we are always here.
<<hugs>>
Steve
