Really upset

Hi , so sorry to read about the problems you are having and with your husbands cancer. I can slightly relate to the spare room issue as I snore rather badly so both of us can sleep better in separate rooms. From what you say it might seem he has some worries about pets - could it be he is concerned about getting an infection from them.

Have he had a needs assessment and you a carers assessment, that might lead to you both getting the support you need. In terms of your feelings even if he is poorly it might help you to talk about how you feel. Perhaps if you modelled that conversation on the "BEEF" model of - Behaviour, Example, Effect, Future. Many carers on here talk about having to be strong - easier said than done though.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Steve thankyou for taking some time to reply. It does work for us to have separate rooms I don't sleep well at all so with separate rooms we both can try to get some sleep. My husband isn't worried about infection from pets they just a nuisance lol I have 2 old cats and a little dog they love they dad bless them. I'm just trying to work my way around the forum what is the BEEF thing you mentioned? Thankyou 

Hi BEEF is a technique for holding a conversation around feelings without things running away by providing some kind of structure - an example of how it might be used in a work context is here

A key part of this is the "future" - and hopefully both can agree on what they would like to see - as ever in any relationship though a compromise is likely to be the best.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Thankyou 

Hi

i am struggling too. Husband through treatment but waiting outcome. A friend who lost his daughter to cancer told me no matter how bad you are feeling it is worse for them. I get that and try to use it but understandable behaviour is different from acceptable behaviour. For me it’s the inconsistency that is worse.. laughs strong voice and old personality for others but I get nastiness all the time. So you are not alone and my advice is carve out your own time and protect it.. run walk paint read whatever you do. This is the loneliest time of my life but I will be there for him AND have a life for me

Hi thankyou for your reply . Sounds like we are in the same boat. It is very true what your friend said it is horrible for the person who is going through it . My husband is just waiting to start he's chemo at end of month he has good days bad days. It has only been the last couple of days i have been making sometime for myself . I feel a lot better just to be able to switch off for abit . I am doing the cancer research 1000steps aday  for a month fund raising so that's good for me can go out for walk with a friend or with my dog and beable to switch off. All we can do is our best really and stay strong. I'm always here if you want to message me sending hugs M x

Thanks and good luck on the walks x

Thankyou take care x