Partner with new diagnosis

Hello Dottygirl

I am so sorry to read the news that your partner has been diagnosed with incurable pancreatic cancer, it is as you say such a complete and utter shock when we receive such news, and with the current Covid19 climate the way the news is being delivered makes the whole experience even more traumatic. No comfort blanket, no face of understanding to look into, no time to consider the thousands of questions that are unravelling all at once in your minds, just free fall...I am heartened to read that you have been able to talk to each other, as frightening as I know that to be, it is so important. 

Now that you have found this wonderful community, you also have us, and you are very welcome...there is so much knowledge, advice and understanding here, thank you for reaching out.

I am unable to make comment on pancreatic cancer, but it does have its own forum Here where there will be an amazing support network should you choose to visit it.

There are many other forums which might also be of interest, and you will find many of those as you navigate the site yourself, you could begin with Family and Friends 

In May 2020, my husband was diagnosed with Oesophageal Cancer, initially it was thought that surgery would be an option, but when we found out the results of the biopsy and scan reviews  a week later, we were told the cancer had spread and that it was treatable but not curable. (this was done in the car park of the hospital due to my husband also being given a positive Covid19 test result at the time the biopsies where taken) I can not begin to explain to you the emotions and spiral that craved to be acknowledges all at once. Since then we have worked at doing anything and everything we can to beat the prognosis that he has been given.  What I can say is, the treatment my husband has received has been amazing, he has gone from not being able to eat, to eating fine, he lost most of his hair and became weak, but now he has a full head of hair and looks very well, the prognosis has not changed, but the probability that it will be beaten and extended is high.

Never give up hope, take every moment you can to do exactly  what it is you are doing, talk, fight, Love...and try, as much as you can to not get pulled into the prognosis. It is only after all a best guess, and with the ever changing positive developments in Cancer treatment, anything can happen.

What we did do, which may help with the eating problems your partner currently experiences, is to research all anti-oxidant foods and created daily smoothies full of these. There is no concrete proof that these foods help, but we believe that they have, alongside the medical treatment, and they certainly ensured that my husband got the nutrients that he needed at the time when he was unable to physically swallow solid foods.

Good Luck with the Wedding, I hope you both have a wonderful day, and if you need an "Ear" I and the others are here.

Lowe'

Thank you so much for that beautiful and warmhearted reply, Your support means a lot. It does feel like we’re doing an awful lot of waiting at the moment, either waiting for a test results or waiting to to see if something works or just waiting for the endTime is going unbelievably slowly.

We’ve come to the realisation that there are a lot of ups and downs and every day is completely different. We feel blessed for the good days and are glad when the bad days are over. He’s getting to grips with the medication so pain isn’t so much issue anymore.
You have such a positive outlook on your situation and if you don’t mind, I’m going to steal some of that positivity! Onwards and upwards!

Dottygirl

Onwards and upwards indeed.. I am pleased to hear that the pain is not so much of an issue at this time, long may that continue. 

Please if you can, don't wait for the end, just put up the barriers and refuse it entry!

I hope you find the support in the other forums, but if you need an ear to rant at.. just look my way.

Take care of both of you

Lowe'

Hi Dotty girl,

Awful to hear other folk in the same position we find ourselves in. Paul spent his 50th birthday in 2017 having a nephrectomy. Was thought to be clear, in November 2020 the cancer is now widespread metastatic and to make things worse they missed the recurrence on previous scans when his consultant has looked back at them.

Our devastation is the same as yours I would imagine. Having awful thoughts over Christmas dinner, was this the last Christmas the kids would have their Father etc.  We’ve spoken to Solicitors and our Accountants etc and are in the start of getting out finances sorted. Heartbreaking.

BUT, although I am tearful at the moment writing this, I have found there is hope. I found the kidney cancer forums, facebook forums and the medication forums so helpful and very positive. I have found stories with people far outliving the ‘expectancy’ times due to new medications. So I spoke to our Macmillan nurse and Pauls medication was only through its trial in May 2019, so actually they cannot accurately say what time he’s got only relay to us old, outdated statistics.  Please try and find out as much as possible about the treatment he is on. Treatments have evolved so much, even since 2017. I feel a lot more positive that treatments out there may give us a few more years together. Keep researching and finding out more about his condition and treatments. This site has really helped me a lot emotionally and given me links to other site information.  

In regard to your Oncologist, I think its often the case. This is what they do every day, all day, deal with Cancer and usually it becomes the ‘norm’ to be blunt and not quite as sympathetic as they could be. But you have to put your faith in them, ours showed little empathy to us however she did see us f2f in November and in the end she told Paul she had many avenues to explore with many drugs to hand, if one fails she would put him on another. We have a list now for every time they phone so we can get answers. Our GP has given us support also, last week they phoned doing a cancer care review and prescribed a decongestant to help with sinus issues. If you feel you need more support perhaps your GP can put you in touch with other services that they know is available in your area.  (emotional support or perhaps further support form Macmillan nurses)

So enjoy planning your wedding, making memories together and allow yourself to laugh and smile together. Try and keep positive, and hopeful and enjoy each day together.