I’m also trying to make sense of how I feel about it all. I have no idea how long my husband of 45 years has either a few months or if this chemo works maybe 1 to 2 years. I’m trying to understand how it came to this, why didn’t he get mop up after surgery, would it have changed things, I guess I look for answers where there are none, well none that will change our outcome.
On Thursday he started the 1st cycle of palliative chemo, I sat and waited, whilst waiting a woman stopped as she was walking out and said I looked tired, I said it had been quite a week, she asked me why I was there and I told her. She then told me she was terminal, didn’t know how long she had left but she saw every day as a gift, she went on to say she had found supporting her husband and son so difficult, she understood their pain at the thought of loosing her but right now, she didn’t want it, she wanted to enjoy every day. I thanked her for sharing and wished her good luck.
She seemed so positive and didn’t look unwell at all. She made me realise that I’m doing exactly the same thing as her husband, I know the thought of what’s ahead is just too much for me to cope with, and I’m certain we all feel the same, but and it’s a big but, I don’t want him to have to carry and deal with my pain when he has so much to deal with himself. I’m going to try to remember what she said and try my best to make it as easy as I can for him. Bloody hard though, just writing this, I’m in floods.
Not sure if any of this will help anyone but know I feel so sorry for each and every one of you......all my best Budge
Hi Snoops and Bramblejoo, I sincerely hope something works for you both. Snoops, HRT might do something for your hormone levels, so at least you’ll look as if you’re coping, and I hope it’ll help with the heartache, it certainly won’t hurt. Northumbria is beautiful, haven’t been up there since our daughter left Newcastle Uni, many moons ago, so hope the big skies worked their magic. I thought I might wait to access counselling, I’d be interested to know when it would help me the most.
Bramblejoo, I now live in Devon, so although we’re not getting away, (bloody chemo), do feel blessed to live in between Dartmoor and the sea, so do drive to a beach nearly every day. People are so warm, friendly and welcoming, so wish we’d moved here years ago.
We had the call with the oncologist last week, they still hadn’t got my husbands tissue samples they had requested in January, or his blood results from 10 days previous. I personally rang the hospital where he’d had his surgery, spoke to the surgeon’s secretary, he emailed what he could find to current oncologists secretary, then we were informed they were sending tissue samples for testing. It wasn’t difficult, I just asked for help and it took a few hours. Don’t understand why it took 8 months. But I felt like I was doing something, achieving something but still got to wait another 2 weeks for results, to find out if he can have antibodies.
Have a wonderful holiday, hope the big skies work their magic for you too.
Big hugs 
Budge
Hope you have a wonderful time together, enjoy the peace....Budge
