Being hopeful

Hi Budge13

Hi Budge13

Pressed go too soon.....  I came on line today to see if anyone else was feeling as I do,and there you are. 1st post!      My hubby is 58, diagnosed with stage 4 lung with liver mets. A non smoker and we're quite healthy.      I'm 54 and struggling with what the next few years have in store.  He's now on immunotherapy. Infusion every 21 days - until death or 2 years max the info said!!!!  So we know it is a gift to be given this time. He's well in himself, IT worker so now working at home 2 days a week. Managing , slowly, to do tasks around home, just breathless when walking and any exertion the cough returns with avengance.      I'm just struggling with the never ending rota of bloods, tests, scans, appoints, treatment. We'll never have any time to plan or do anything with more than a few days notice. I feel like a prisoner almost - so of.     Is this all we can do for the rest of our time? Plan the odd weekend ? Never go for walks? Forgetting about the covid side of things as everyone is dealing with that! He also says he wants to continue working IF he gets to 60 now, as what's the point of  retiring? And he's worth more in employment than not (he's thinking of me and the Death in Service I'll get).     Sorry for ranting. Just not sure what to do or How to feel

Hi Snoopy, I’m just about to go and spend the afternoon waiting for my hubby to have his chemo but I’ll be back on line later. In the meantime, here’s a big hug Budge

Hi snoopy. I’m also about to go and collect my husband from hospital, he’s currently having his 2nd line chemo for stage 4 stomach cancer. The lives we live  now, as you say one appointment after another with no end in sight. It’s what we do for those we love I guess. 
We are hoping to fit in a week away soon but everything revolves around treatment and his health so we’ll see. I try to make the most of every day now and even enjoy things like a hug and maybe watching our favourite TV programme together. It’s all about enjoying the little things now.

 Take care and here’s another virtual hug x

Hi Snoopy 

Sorry it’s late but when we got back, after sorting some food and 1st of meds, I sat down and fell asleep, guess it’s the constant waking up at ridiculous o’clock.  You’re having a a tough time that’s for sure. How long have you been going through all this?  Sounds like you need to rant more and everyone on here is listening.

We’re both retired but I remember about the death in service thing, but how absolutely shitty (excuse me) that he has to think about stuff like that, when he’s enduring so much and yet in the midst of all that he thinks of providing for you, what a special guy he is.

I’m coping with the day to day stuff, hubby still wants to go out and we do. Relocating down to Devon from Cheshire was a great move, I may be some distance from friends and family but we have so many beautiful places within a short drive, it’s very therapeutic to see the sea. I just can’t imagine doing it without him.  Yet again I’m overwhelmed with with waves...

it’s so understandable that your feelings are all over the place, I can’t believe what’s happening most of the time but there’s nothing we can do but our best for the people we love and send so many virtual hugs to people who are experiencing the same overwhelming heartache. 

Take care and be kind to yourself.....big hug budge

Thank you Both

Yesterday was treatment number 9 

Today he's managed to do a few bits but I can hear it takes it out of him. Unscrewing the shower enclosure, so really should have been a breeze and would have been last year.

I don't know.   I understand its not that bad as he is here, he can talk to the kids and see our grandson at the weekends now, but our son's fiance (should be wife but they have to wait til next year now) , its her 30th in October and they are planning a small get together. He said he wont go but I can. Half of me wants to go, the other half feels bad. I went to a friends last week for an overnihgt, a change in convo and to see our god children. Just seems sad he is missing out. He's a home bod anyway, but I'm more sociable, so I think that is my problem.

My wings have been clipped and I struggle because I know that I'll no doubt be alone by the time I'm 60 . No point in thinking otherwise, but THIS was meant to be our time togther.  I have arthritis and very dodgy (dislocating hips), had to stop work early because of it all. So we were already aware that in the future I would be the one holding us back , but this........

Gin required I think!

Hi Snoopy 

I think gin and some nice elderflower tonic, mind, I said whilst hubby can’t have a glass of wine, I won’t either, how soft am I?

Earlier I managed to cut open my thumb, making a salad, silly mare, I went to local hospital as it wouldn’t stop bleeding, all it took was for the lovely nurse to ask me how I was, and the tears flowed. It only lasted minutes, I explained why I was emotionally all over the place and she asked if I was getting any help. I said I get the most help on the Macmillan forum, sharing with others who are experiencing the same painful emotions. Friends want to help but it’s hard for them to understand.

I too know I’ll be a widow, so for now I’m taking what I can get, because there’s worse ahead. 

I’ve emailed oncologist to ask for answers to our questions for our next telephone consultation, I feel I have to try to do something, I’m not sure how I will respond if there’s still no satisfactory response.

I wish I could say something that would help but there’s nothing but maybe that gin and tonic but as I’m not drinking, I’ll be having a look on Netflix for some rubbishy film.

Take care, be kind to yourself, big big hugs.....Budge

Hi

Sorry I disappeared. 

Spoke to GP and start Mcmillan counselling tomorrow 

I think I just need to say it all out loud and realise I'm not going mad!

We had a break away this weekend and it was great to just be away from the 4 walls, and Northumberland was beautiful!!

Oh, also got HRT patches from GP so hopefully everything together will set things straight 

Hope you are all doing OK 

• Snoops x

Hi all,

Reading your words just makes me realise I’m not going mad! The emotions are overwhelming sometimes, one minute you’re ticking along fine thinking you’re dealing with everything and one small thing just sets me off and then I can’t stop the tears flowing. I feel like a prisoner at home sometimes as well as I want to stay home and care for my husband but that means I barely leave the house. His energy is low (he mowed the lawn today and had to lie down straight after) and he is down I think so never really wants to go anywhere. He also doesn’t drink anymore so as a result I won’t either. Probably just as well, not sure if I’d stop.

Working full time is taking its toll and I finally have two weeks off from Friday, we are going to hide in a cottage in Devon for a week then in another in Cornwall for a second week. I just hope he will be okay during this time.

My thoughts are with you both as you continue to care for your other halves. I know what it’s like and how the pressure of having to do everything can be overwhelming at times, so it is good to just talk about it and get it out there in the open.

thanks so much for reading xx