Can anyone explain why husband is so nasty to me now, he was diagnosed with terminal cancer a month ago and since then I do t seem to be able to do anything right for him.
is this normal , he has always been caring and loving before
Hi Alynneeiz welcome to the forum and I am so very sorry to hear how difficult things are for you.
I think it is probably normal with the diagnosis he has been given but he seems to be directing the anger he may be feeling at the diagnosis in your direction which is not fair. Have you talked to him about how he is behaving or not? I am asking because he may be so angry at what is happening he may not realise how difficult he is being with you. Maybe even suggesting to him that this diagnosis has affected you as well and maybe you both need to talk to each other. How are you feeling about this diagnosis?
I suspect that he is angry and rightly so and maybe feels unable to express this so it is coming out in his behaviour. Time for an honest and open chat with him and see where that leads. He may or may not be ready to talk but worth a try.
Please do let us know how it goes if you decide to have a chat and in the meantime Im sending some huge big hugs your way for now.xx
FormerMember
Hi Alynneez,
I can I just ask you which cancer he has been diagnosed with? This can make a big difference in the way people react, especially men.
My husband has terminal prostate cancer. He was diagnosed 25 years ago and is just now coming to the end of the options he has to keep him alive.
A terminal diagnosis doesn't always mean that you are going to die straight away. They have lots of trial medicines coming out all the time. My husband has been on quite a lot that has kept him alive this amount of time. He was originally told he had a year to 18 months to live.
Please keep your hopes up and I hope you will be able to persuade him there might be a better outcome than he thinks.
Whether you're a patient or a carer, a diagnosis of terminal cancer is a huge shock. Every cancer journey is unique and everyone's response is similarly different. Some become withdrawn, some go into denial, some become morose and some lash out. Sometimes, their own pain prevents them from seeing cancers impact on everyone else in their lives.
Talk to your other half.
If you're like most couples, pre-cancer, you didn't hide things from each other (mostly - some things are best left going through to the keeper ;-) ). You supported each other and made a life together.
Don't let cancer change that.
You may have the worlds best team of doctors, nurses and specialists - but the two of you are the most important people in this fight.
Cancer is an insidious bastard that demands to be the centre of attention. Don't let it become the wall between the two of you.
The man you fell in love with is still there, but cancer insists on trying to put a layer of fear and uncertainty over everything it touches. There will undoubtedly be times that all you see is the aggression and the only thing you feel is the isolation. This is not your husband, this is the cancer making him do this.
Get angry, but get angry at cancer.
The man you love is still in there.
Talk to him.
The day after your carers journey ends, the sun will still rise.
It’s so hard dealing with the personality changes.
When Toms brain swells he is given higher dosage of steroids which makes him confrontational. Agitated. Horrible to me.
He does occasionally push me away emotionally. Tells me to leave him alone. So I do. I just take his meds and food and then after a few hours he forgets he is pissed off.
dont take it personally. Just when he is more normal. Lap up those moments. When he is being unpleasant just remember it’s the cancer and not him. Don’t let the cancer destroy your love
I have tried your advice the past few days and things have been better, he has realised when he’s snapped at me etc which he hadn’t realised before . Maybe I’m just too temperamental at the moment. I never thought I’d be in this situation
He was diagnosed with bowel cancer at the beginning of feb this year, surgery to remove it middle March which went horribly wrong. After two days in theatre ( not constantly ) they had removed the tumour. A ct scan showed a very small leasion in his liver which they were going to operate on once his stomach wound had healed. The wound which started as 15cm by 20cm has taken some healing but when he went for a ct scan four weeks ago pre chemo they found his cancer is aggressive and had spread through his liver and I to his lungs , the liver is now inoperable six months ago we had not a care in the world ... I hope he out lives the doctors prognosis but I doubt it as he seems to be going down hill quite quickly. He’s also not getting on very well with the chemo tablets so who knows ?? thankyou for replying to me
I think he wants to talk but I just can’t come to terms with everything. The Macmillan nurse wants me to talk to a councillor but I don’t know if I can ... I feel like my world has collapsed around me
