Anyone left their job or considering leaving their job to look after a loved one?

Hi

Personally I have not given up work but there have been occasions when I have been off work with stress for typically a couple of weeks. 

Obviously there can be issues with finances so it might be worth discussing with a benefits adviser what you might be entitled to in your particular situation.

I know for me sometimes though work was something of a comfort in that it was one area of my life I felt was still under some kind of control. When my stress got too bad though and I was signed off it was a sense of relief too.

I have a number of friends in a similar situation who did give up work and it seems to have worked out ok for them, other friends who decided to ensure care was in place but choose to keep working. One useful thing whichever way you decide is to look at our guidance on  Looking after someone with cancer and remember to be kind to yourself.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hello diamond girl

this is my first ever post! Your story strikes a chord with me. I too work for the NHS, and my hubby has advanced prostate cancer and is now entering the palliative care stage, and has a prognosis of a few months.

at this point, I have been officially working from home, but for the last 2 weeks my manager has been supportive of me also taking compassionate leave if he’s having a bad day and needs more care.  The fact is though, I’m worried that working from home won’t be an option soon, and I’ll have to make decisions.

Certainly I will need to be at home, and want to give him the care he needs for as long as I can, but I’m not sure how long I can continue with compassionate leave. A colleague of mine took a sabbatical a few years ago when his wife had cancer, Presumably this is unpaid, but might be an option if you can afford it.
I might investigate this too, as it would mean I can return to work when I’m able (although it’s hard to think about).

i think it’s a good idea to talk over your concerns and options with your family, and your manager. You might be able to find a compromise, such as working from home, or switching to a part time, or non patient facing role. 

I hope all goes well with your husband’s treatment.

kind regards

elwood

Hi, 

I hardly post but this has brought back memories. When my wife was ill, I was working as an Accountant with a 7 year old at the time. I had a good network of people around me and my work were good and supportive.  However, as time went on, (2 years on) the network grew thin leaving the people I will never forget, and work were also starting to lose patience

I felt burned out in the end juggling everything, and although I was blessed that my wife seems to be recovering, if I had my time again, I would have stopped working as the one best thing you can do, especially if you have kids, is look after yourself and you can then look after your family and loved ones and admittedly I didn't do that. 

Take care,

Tom

Yes I am same age and have given up career as a teacher to look after stage 4 bowel cancer mum...who has extensive liver metastases. I rely on husband's wage as we all live together. I'm on duty 24/7...and mum has severe mental health issues that she disguises well to outsiders. 

Toughest thing I have ever had to face or deal with...got a very loose support network, but at the end of the day I just have to deal with the emotional aspects myself. She is currently considering quitting her treatment as she has sunk into pit of dispair. 

Giving up career is not easy....It took a while to fit into my new role. Only thing that keeps me going is the fact that life is constantly changing,so this won't be forever. Sorry for being so negative.

Hello Diamond Girl,

Sorry to hear about the difficult times that you and your husband are facing and also for the loss of your father in law. I am older than you but 4 years ago I was also a healthcare professional and my husband was facing an allogenic stem cell transplant for Non Hodgkin lymphoma. He had also had ill health prior to this for a few years and he had to give up work. We had a very limited support network.

I can see that your support network is now vulnerable and will not be in a position to help. I hope that there are others who can help support your parents and mother in law so that you can focus on your husband, children and yourself.

Your situation is certainly heightened because of the coronavirus. I tried to work for the first year after the transplant but needed time off sick/ emergency carers leave etc. The first year was very challenging for us, lots of ups and downs and readmissions to hospital but despite everything my husband has survived and although he has some issues, he is actually very well, full of energy and happy.

There are pros and cons for leaving/staying at work but your situation is an impossible one with the Coronavirus. I too was terrified about bringing an infection back but this is much more of a worry.

My colleagues were fantastic at work and I got a lot of support from them. Unfortunately I found it very stressful dealing with families/patients who were going through equally hard times. However, being at work also acted as a temporary distraction from our own situation. 

I had rarely been off sick from work, however I did need to be signed off by my GP for stress and anxiety. My manager and colleagues could see that I was struggling and encouraged me to see my GP. Being signed off sick meant that I could put on hold my concerns about job and finances etc until I was in a better position to think clearly. I wish that I had accessed counselling at the time, I think that would have helped. Does your Haematology department offer any support or advice over the telephone (perhaps from the Nurse Specialist?).

Your circumstances are unique in this current climate with Coronavirus, perhaps also speak to managers and also Human Resources department and ask what can be done to help you, your concerns are real and valid regarding infection risk. There is also the option for unpaid leave. 

I finally decided to take early retirement but kept my registration up in case I decided to return to work. However this is not going to be possible now as returning to that environment when my husband is shielding is not an option. 

I wish you and your family well, Diamond Girl x