Husbands prostate cancer diagnosis

Hi Veroni welcome to the forum.

I felt really sad when I read your post as you are beating yourself up big time and giving yourself  a really hard time for things that are completely outwith your control. You don't need to be any better Carer, Supporter or Wife as you already are all of those things.

I think you identified the main issue at the very start of your post in the way that you both deal with these things very differently and that can be challenging especially at a time like this. Your husband will be in absolute shock and may not at this point wish to discuss this. It isn't the best way, but it is his way and we have to let him have  have that headspace and he may come to want to talk when he knows more.

Im not surprised that you are both stressed on top of the diagnosis he has had we are in the midst of an unprecedented situation with this COVID virus which has changed our lives beyond belief. There is NO RIGHT WAY to do any of what is happening to you both right now.

If you feel  that you wanted to go with him and wait in the Car Park then what's to stop you doing that. It might be a wait but as long as you are ok with that then just do it. If it makes you feel better then just do it take a good book and maybe have a walk whilst waiting.

When the time is right would,your husband be ok about the Doctors speaking  with you if he tells them that you have some questions they could do this over the phone for you. Unfortunately unless you have his permission they wouldnt do this for you so maybe a chance to chat when you think time is right.

Please do cut yourself some slack though as I said there is no right or wrong way to deal with any of this and you are only human so its ok to shout at the world as none of this is fair.

Please do keep in touch and let us know how things are for you both and meantime Im sending some huge big hugs your way for now. xxxxx

Thank you SO much for your kind words, they mean a lot!! Everything you’ve said is right, I’m just in the wrong headspace just now!! I will try & be more positive about things & as you say There is no right or wrong way to deal with any of this!!!

You have actually made me realise that beating myself up is not going to help things in anyway so I take that on board!! I thought being an ex-nurse and medically experienced would work in my/our favour!! WRONG! Actually, patience & understanding will probably be more appropriate. 
Thanks GRANNY59, I accept your wisdom & hugs with gratitude! Hugs back xxx

Hi Veroni - ditto. My husband was diagnosed with advanced PC that has spread to his bones - during the lockdown. He isn't interested in talking about it or doing any research - I'm the complete opposite - I worry about everything & I'm struggling with the whole thing - can't even get a good nights sleep. We have been married 46 years in July. The Covid thing has made things ten times worse - I had to wait in the car park while he had his biopsy. It's difficult to talk to anyone at the hospital as the department has been disbanded & telephone numbers are diverted then cut off. I feel we've been abandoned when we need help the most. I hope your biopsy results are favourable.

Just thought you might like to know that their are others feeling the same as you

Take care, Kath

Hi Cavoo, I’m sorry to hear about your husband’s diagnosis, I wish there was something I could say to make things easier for you! Everything you have said in your post resonates with me and is so hard to read knowing you are feeling so distressed. I never got to go with my husband, not even to sit and wait in the car park so I feel guilty about the fact he had to go on his own!
we’re  just waiting for results now to see what happens next, he’s been told he’ll be having an operation so we’re now in isolation for three weeks. Like you I’m having trouble sleeping, I was ironing at 2am this morning. I suppose this is the way things are going to be for now at least until we know what happens next!
I’m very lucky as I have  a very supportive family and daughter in laws and they have been a godsend on my bad “needing a rant or crying days“  Do you have family you could confide in Or a close friend that will listen to you when you need to chat etc? I felt actually a little bit relieved after I posted my first post on here as another lovely person responded to me. Thank you also for getting in touch, and you’re right there are so many people out there like us who are also starting this daunting scary journey.
Take care, stay safe sending hugs 
LVP

Hiya Veronica. I am new to the group too. My name is Paula, and my husband has just been diagnosed with head and neck cancer a few weeks ago. He is going in for surgery on Monday, and we are both struggling at the moment. The procedure sounds horrific and is going to take about 12 hours. I can't be there or visit him while he is in. The staff at the hospital have been fantastic, but I can't get my head around not being able to see him for myself. I won't be able to ring him because of the surgery he is having, so it will just be texting.

He is also a very quiet man who keeps things to himself. I have told him I am there for him when he does need to talk. It's also difficult because we are in isolation till he goes in, so I feel I can't talk to anyone, even on the phone because we are together and I don't want to upset him any more than he is. I have also noticed how many adverts are about cancer, and it just feels like a smack in the face bringing it all back again.

I really hope your Husband's test is favourable, stay strong  Paula