Feeling guilty

Hi everyone,

First time I have posted as I feel I have just been trying to get on with things alone.

My partner has had 5/6 sessions of chemo for non Hodgkin lymphoma and he is doing much better than I had expected. The worst part is the what if thoughts especially with the current covid situation.

I have been working from home for 9 weeks and in that time have only left the house to take him for his treatment. He had a chest infection about 6 weeks ago and it was very upsetting as the hospital tried to keep him on a Covid ward pending results of a test. Thankfully he chose to come home and he tested negative.

I made the decision this weekend to take some time off work. On the one hand I feel like I should be coping as I am lucky that I can work from home. On the other hand, I just feel like there is so much going on in my life at the moment that I can't do anything well or fully. This makes it difficult to do anything.

I feel like I'm being pathetic for needing to take some time out. All reason tells me I'm not but it feels there is a cloud hanging over me. I feel guilty for passing more work onto my colleagues and guilty for not being stronger. A bit like I'm falling at the last hurdle having been pushing through for 5 months.

I feel that by taking time off, I am making he situation about me when he is the one who is ill.

Has anybody had similar feelings?