My partner was diagnosed with oesophigal cancer a year ago. After 3 cycles of chemo,- with a view to having surgery, it was determined that surgery would be too risky. I support him in his decision to have no more treatment. He hated chemo and it's side effects and believes quality rather than quantity of life. However, I am finding it more and more difficult dealing with it/him, it's like having a young child again. He gets up, wanders around the house and garden, sleeps and repeat. I have been isolating with him for the last 8 weeks (normally would work 7 hour day x 4 days a week) .. maybe being with him 24/7 hasn't helped ! I get feelings of anger towards him, but can't get angry with him . The worst thing is sometimes I think I wish he would die, be out of his suffering and selfishly, I would know what my future would be.......... then of course is the feeling guilty for thinking that way. Oh, I do feel so sad, confused and useless. I love him with all my heart....... but he isn't the same person.
