Wife just been diagnosed with secondary breat cancer which has mets to her brain.

Still remember when Bill had his diagnosis it was horrific .All I can say is there is treatment and people survive longer than you think .There are quite a few people on here that have done really well and hopefully that will be your wife .The thing with brain tumours is they are unpredictable but some of the new radiotheraphy treatments are excellent .In Bill s case he had one tumour the size of a plum in the communication area of his brain that was September 2017 .He has had various treatment two surgeries and two lots of stereothatic radiotherapy .Although he is now palliative he has done really well up until now .So there is hope and I wish you all the best .Keep posting we will support you .

Hi and a very warm welcome to Carers, although I am sorry to hear about your wife. I understand the whole feeling 'physically sick' and my heart goes out to you. It's very wise of you to wait to tell the girls until you have all the results. I would suggest perhaps contacting your GP a.s.ap. so any support for you can be put in place to help you cope, so that you can be strong for your wife. You've done it before and you can do it again, hang in there. You've reached out to us and congratulations for doing it, I think it's much harder for men to show their emotions.  Please post as often as you'd like to; talk to us, we're here for you and we'll come around you and support you as best we can and please let us know how things go. Meantime, if you need to chat, do call the helpline 0808 808 0000 and talk to one of our experts.

Thinking of you,

Wow, thank you so much for your reply, this really does help and has made me cry.  All I want for her is some time so that she can see the girls for longer. They are 11 & 9 and I feel too young to deal with all this now, so would love them to be older & hopefully deal with it better. I am praying for some positive news next week. Still in shock at the moment, retching from panic attacks & not eating or sleeping (2.5 hours last night). It is all made so much harder by the Covid-19 lockdown as I cannot access my normal support network (family & friends) or just go for a cup of tea away from the house (drank soooooo much tea first time round).

This reply is also for any others that have replied to me. Thank you sooo much.

Hey LoobyLou, so managed to get 5 hours sleep last night but still not really eating yet.

Had a big conversation this morning at about 6am when we woke with my wife about everything (money, life going forwards, kids) etc and as this is something that she knew could happen (secondary cancer) she is further down the line with it than me. I am very much still in the shock mode. I went back to sleep for a few hours but woke up & had a massive panic attack. I spoke with a Macmillan nurse who helped me through it & understand that I am much further back than my wife. She is part of the online community in Breast cancer now & obviously knew stories about secondary cancer but this is all very much new to me.

Done a little bit of reading now & hopefully the tumours are in a place that can be treated by all these great treatments that they have now. Couldn't cross my fingers more if I tried. Just need to get through today & we can start to get more information tomorrow. 

Hi , it all sounds so similar to my niece and her husband. It's often the case that the person with cancer is more pragmatic and accepting than the spouse. She's right to want to get things talked through and sorted, I remember how shocked my niece's husband was though. Perhaps the shock will ease as you talk it over with her and you're so right about getting through today; it's an attitude that helped me a lot with my husband's cancers. It's worth having a look at the booklet with information for carers  and when you both feel the time is right, this booklet helps with talking to children.

Thinking of you,