Caring for my daughter

Hi Emsmum, 

I'm so very sorry that you find yourself in such a difficult situation. I lost my only sister in 2016 when she was a young age so I can empathise with some of the whirlwind of emotions that you must be feeling.

How precious that you're going to be bringing her home to spend these cherished days together. I think it will provide a lot of comfort for you both.

I wish so much that there was something I could say to make this  better for you but I just wanted you to know that someone had read your message and is ready to listen whenever you need it. This is a great space to share how you feel with others who understand in a safe place.

Sending you and you daughter lots of love and courage for the days ahead, 

Lucy x

Thank you so much, Lucy. x Yes, it has been a very difficult time. We thought she had beaten breast cancer, so it came as a huge shock last month to find out that it had spread so much, and there was nothing they could do. She is far more pragmatic than I, and I have been the one doing the falling apart, but I am so looking forward to collecting her and her little doggies, and bringing them all home with me. It will be a precious time, and we intend to make it a happy time, and make lots of memories. I am so sorry to hear about your sister. So many people are dying young with this dreadful disease. Stupidly, I never gave a thought to the fact that any of my children would end up in this awful position, but it is what it is. Anyone can get it, but you always think 'Never me, never us.' I am just longing to get her home, hopefully today or tomorrow if she is well enough to travel. Thank you for your lovely message. It means a lot. Ann.

Hi Ann, 

I so hope you're able to collect her today. We were the same and, as you say, it's such a shock although one thing that it taught us is that we're all so much stronger than we think when we need to be. My sister was diagnosed out of the blue at stage 4 and so Sophie didn't really stand a chance but I think it must feel particularly unfair to think that you've put in behind you only to have this unexpected reoccurence.

Re falling apart, we agonised about trying to keep a brave face on but, in the end, I'm not sure that this matters and it's probably more important to feel that you're able to have honest conversations. And sometimes, I don't even think that any words are needed. Even just to have her with you in the garden with the sun on your faces will mean so much. I remember my mum saying that she would try to see it as doing one last special thing for Sophie and it will be the same for you.

This is a fantastic site where people with lots of similar experiences will always be there to walk this road beside you.

This is so hard very for you and the bravery that you are already showing in doing this for her speaks volumes about what a wonderful mum you must be. 

Thinking of you both, 

Lucy x

Hi Lucy and thank you. x We think it will be tomorrow now as they haven't discharged her yet, so her best friend will be staying with her tonight and I will collect her tomorrow. I totally agree with you about honest conversations. We have obviously talked at length, especially about the option of her having further chemo, even though she can't be cured. She has decided that this isn't a path she wants to go down, and I support her one hundred percent. If she doesn't want to put herself through that, then I agree. She says she would rather have a few weeks of feeling relatively well than possibly a longer time of feeling like crap. We are both totally honest with each other and I do feel that you have to be. We will be fine, and take whatever comes. Thank you so much for your lovely words.  Ann. xxx

Hi Ann, 

Just a quick message to say that I hope your daughter is now safely at home with you and that you're enjoying some peaceful time together. 

Lucy x

Hi Lucy. Thank you so much. x We arrived home late yesterday evening after a long drive, so today she is feeling very tired and sleeping a lot. I was shocked to see how ill she looks, and it is hard keeping it together at the moment. Her little dogs won't leave her side, and I think they realise what is happening. I can't think about a time when she will no longer be here - I just can't - but the pain she is in at times just makes me want to cry for her. If only I could take it all away! xx

Hi and a belated warm welcome to Carers. I have lost many family members to cancer but not one of my children and can only imagine your pain. It's such a mum thing, wanting to take away the pain. It's so lovely that her dogs are staying close and that she has you to hold her in your love. What a wonderful thing you are doing. 

Love and hugs,

Hi Ann, 

I'm so pleased to hear that you've got her home safely. Oh I do feel for you. I can vividly remember wanting to magic it all away. We reached a point where we found the management of Sophie's pain quite overwhelming and sought support from our local hospice during the last 3 weeks of her life. In her case, they were the only ones who successfully managed to alleviate this, which they did completely. That made such a difference as our remaining time together was so more peaceful so it may be something worth considering if they're not involved already. Sophie had been so anti the hospice as I think in her case she saw it as giving up but, in hindsight, she and we wished we'd accessed their support much sooner. 

You are doing an amazing job and, somehow, you will find the strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other. 

It's so very hard Ann. Try not to think too far ahead if you possibly can and don't forget to take a few minutes each day to take care of you too.

You are both in my thoughts tonight and there's always someone here if you need a listening ear. 

Lucy x

Thank you, Lucy. x Yes, the hospice has been mentioned to Emily and we may consider it further down the line, but as she has her little doggies here I think she would prefer to stay at home with them. The pain issue is the main thing, and now that we have more or less managed to get it under control, we are feeling happier. She is sleeping  a lot at the moment, but is a lot more relaxed now that we have managed to get her home. She is still eating and drinking well too, which is nice, as I can cook her all the things she likes best. My son has also come home too. His boss has told him to take as much time as he needs, and as he is able to work from home anyway, this has eased the strain on me also. We will get through it as a family. Thank you for all your loving thoughts. Ann. xxx