Feeling so emotional I don’t know how I can get through this ...

Hi Ropergary,

I was my late wifes full time carer for 7 1/2 years. I've been where you now find yourself and I feel your pain. While I was caring for my wife, I learnt so much - about myself, about cancer, about caring, about us (as a couple).

Looking back, caring has made me a better person, but it has been a long road to recognize this in myself.

The first steps down the cancer road can be, for the carer, horrifying and stupifying. Medical terms you're not familiar with, treatments no-one fully explains, schedules that seem impossible to meet - the list goes on.

I've posted several answers here on varying topics. Below are titles and links to those answers, but please bear in mind that everyone's cancer journey is unique.

Planning ahead
This may seem coldhearted, but practicality is your friend.
https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/nearing_the_end/f/nearing_the_end-forum/187453/creating-a-checklist?Page=0#1381121

Feeling overwhelmed
https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/carers_only/f/carers_only-forum/186920/23-and-completely-lost?Page=1#1377783

Ask questions
If you don't understand anything, keep asking until you get an answer you do.
https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/carers_only/f/carers_only-forum/184783/what-am-i-allowed-to-know-ask?Page=0#1364090

Guilt
https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/carers_only/f/carers_only-forum/182500/guilt?Page=0#1350619

Feeling alone
https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/nearing_the_end/f/nearing_the_end-forum/182421/too-hard-to-talk-about?Page=1#1349956

Looking after yourself (AKA carers burnout)
It may seem counterintuitive, but you MUST look after yourself so you can look after your wife
https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/carers_only/f/carers_only-forum/178031/mood-swings-and-aggressive-behaviour?Page=0#1323453

Pasta disaster (AKA when the man has to start doing the cooking)
https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/carers_only/f/carers_only-forum/180925/recipe-blog-for-carers

I truly hope there is something of value to you and your wife in these. If not, please don't hesitate to reach out to the others on this forum. There are some remarkably compassionate and wise heads in here. Don't be afraid to ask.

Hang in there mate.

Ewen :-)

Thanks Gary for your words - we are definitely on the same wavelength...nothing is tougher than this. 
We are back at the hospital today as my wife has just started another course of Chemotherapy so she has a line clean etc today.
I find it tough just to see her enduring the treatment - she copes much better than I do which seems strange but many people have said the same thing. 

Wishing you all the best mate - hope the counselling is of benefit to you. Let me know how things go, and we'll try and support each other, along with everyone else on this site.

Regards, Kev

Thanks again for the kind words . Stay strong

Hi all. My wonderful hubby was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer on Xmas Eve! That was truly the worst day of our lives, and I agree with all you have said. We have been together for over 22 years and he’s my best friend and love of my life. I have been super strong for him while we have had many hospital visits for various tests, and chemo only started Monday but at least it feels good to have a plan. We’ve been told his cancer is incurable but are remaining positive nonetheless.

The chemo ward nurses are an amazing bunch of people and just treat him like a normal person rather than a victim (we’re sick of the sympathetic looks). 

All I can say is take it one day at a time, it becomes your new normal. It’s the feeling of helplessness that’s the worst I find, watching him struggle to eat and feel sick.

Good in a weird way to know I’m not the only one. 

Thanks Pam x 

Hi Gary, how are you getting on? X