Brave face

Hello Worry bunny. It's OK to let the mask of strength crumble for a while and have a good cry. I  feel that it is often exhausting keeping up the pretence, but we all try. It's an awful feeling having to accept the loss of our loved ones and the security they offer, but somehow we keep going, one day at a time. This forum is so supportive with fantastic people giving great advice. Keep posting whenever you want or need. If you feel you are really floundering  phone Macmillan for support. Speak to your Gp and check out support in your area. I realise when you are down it's difficult to reach out but I hope you will find the support you need. If you can get your support then it will be easier to give your mum the help she needs, thinking of you, Pam xxx

I'm less Stiff Upper Lip, and more Trembling Lower Lip.

Sometimes people think I'm strong, but no, I'm actually in a walking/talking coma. 

Hi, 

It's perfectly normal to feel the way you are feeling Worrybunny. I've been on the same road since my mum's cancer returned back in June. What you're feeling is completely natural, there's even a name for it. Anticipatory grief (thanks to my GP for that one). The feeling of not knowing what's happening, not knowing what's going to happen, that little twitch of panic everytime your phone rings or a text comes through. Ever since hearing the words "incurable" I've had the same feelings. At the moment I can't shake the feeling that I should be doing something, there must be something more I can do to make things better, but deep down I know there isn't anything more I can do, other than be there when I'm needed. The hard part is that this isn't that time, not yet. There isn't a magic button which turns these feeling off I'm afraid, and we all find a way of keeping going. I've found keeping active helps, I'm currently overdosing on exercise, because it helps for me as an outlet for stress. Doesn't work for everyone but it has probably kept me from either falling to pieces or diving into a wine bottle so far.

One day at a time, the mantra of the carer.....

C

Hi, I know what you mean. I am walking around doing things on automatic pilot. I keep going to check I've done them because I can't remember if I have done them. Sometimes I have, sometimes not. My concentration is zero, I don't listen to what people say, I can't follow a film. I've found reading easier x

Its a form of protection I think the sheer horror of the situation is just too much to comprehend .We get the latest scan result tommorrow supposedly. Not holding my breath the oncologist is ringing us Bill not going to anymore appointments he is in bed mostly now .He is still able to make a cuppa or heat some soup in the microwave and have a wash but he no longer wants to do very much .The expressive disphasia from the brain met and treatment make it difficult to communicate on a,social level .I think he is withdrawing a bit from us but he wants lots of cuddles which is nice  He dosent eat much either now but still drinking fluids quite well at the moment .Its  a strange existence we lead not knowing what will happen next .Love to everyone xx

Thanks so much for your kind words  - tis odd offloading in this way but necessary - I am up soon for much needed toast and coffee facing difficult trip to Norfolk to go through belongings with mum - coffee may well be wine later 

I am too if that helps - my body has produced its own anaesthetic to dull emotions - I remember the fun loving girl I used to be and miss that feeling -  we have to give as much as we can - I know that - but tis hardest thing 

Morning Granny Sue - one thing I learnt from my husband who spent last days in the hospice who were wonderful, t found lack of eating etc distressing but the hospice advised me to give him back choice and dignity that a long time in hospital has removed. This was great advice, I had found the weight loss dramatic and alarming and tried to stuff calories in - running round trying to get him back to how he once was and feeling I had failed if I didn’t succeed - I wish you well in your caring - everyone says look after yourself - not easy to do so - I am about to toast crumpets for my dear mum breakfast and of course will layer on the butter - proving I am still stuffing in the food - but this is party of love and care 

Morning Chris - thanks your words - I know you are right on the exercise tip - I love and loves swimming and am going to rejoin health club. Mum is now living with me - we have both lost valuable independence - and not finding it very tough she is tidy and organised I am scatterbrained and feral - I am taking mum

to Norfolk to collect some belongings this soul be tough. I know the deterioration of cancer it is slow and hard to bear. As I write I hear mum coughing as I have set up baby monitor as fear her needing help in the night. Took a Nytol to help me get much needed sleep and that worked tho I would have been dead out had she been in trouble -