Hi All

Came on here tonight feeling really down. Reading some of the discussions I realise I'm far from the only one and it made me angry with myself for feeling so sorry for myself when there are so many going through it. I'm angry feeling like the life we planned has been stripped away,  looking after a terminally ill hubby supporting my daughter whos just started uni and trying to hold down a full-time job just to make sure I don't have to worry about money on top of everything else.

I'm a strong person and keep everything together but tonight I could just run away and never come back i feel so upset, angry, tired and selfish for feeling like that when my hubby is in so much pain. I'm sat here crying but tomorrow ill pull on that mask get husband sorted for the day then head off to work I feel like a robot sometimes but wonder how much longer I can keep watching him struggle.

Sorry just needed somewhere to let these feelings out  Disappointed

Hugs to all of you xx


  • You are not the only one I sometimes look at the buses as they pass through and think I will get one to Oxford then London then onward !! .All of what you said resonates with me the situation is pretty tough most of the time now ,Bill not going out in pain and spending more time in bed has scan on Thursday to see if the brain mets are still stable as he has deteriorated they may be back or he is just starting to give up .Wouldnt blame him .4 years in Feb since these nightmare began most of the time now I feel pretty detached self preservation I guess. Just try to find pleasure in small things mostly my lovely grandsons .And you are not selfish just someone who has had to be strong for too long.We all understand how you feel unless you have endured this you can't understand .Take comfort from us all we all support each other Keep posting lots of hugs xx

    Granny Sue

  • You are definitely not alone. My hubby is spending more and more time in bed. We were due a visit tomorrow from the hospice palliative care community nurses but they cancelled it as he was in hospital last week. No one told me. I was looking forward to the support because the young woman who visited last Tuesday was lovely.  Now I have another week to wait.

    Then we got a letter from his GP today saying as he had moved he should find himself a new GP. He has not moved he's just be staying with me during his recovery from a bout of sepsis during which time we got married. There was no mention in the letter of their concern for his health. No mention of his 20 years with the practice just it's too far for our team to travel. So bog off!. When I spoke to the practice manager who wrote it I could almost see his job's worth hat and as he clearly did not care I hung up on him and have written a letter to the doctor.

    I am up during the night helping hubby change pants as he passes blood. I am trying to get enough fluids into him as he was severely dehydrated. Trying to get him to take his antibiotics. Trying to keep him positive and work want to know when I'll be in and can I  do this on Thursday or that next Tuesday? I have no idea what I'll be doing from one minute to the next.

    I should be on holiday now with a friend but we cancelled. I should be visiting a friend for the day in a

    couple of weeks but that's unlikely as no one can be with hubby.

    How strong we all are to cope with this. I know why people crack but let's give ourselves a medal. We won't get an OBE because we haven't been a highly paid footballer or musician but by God we all deserve a knighthood.