The cancer is back

So sorry Pam it's so unfair .I completely understand where you are coming from if you want to ask questions then you do so .He will probably feel a lot more comfortable once the fluid is drained and you look after yourself take a day at a time concentrate on the here and now no one can say for sure how long anyone has people can surprise the medical teams it's only ever an estimate and it is very much up to the individual . Just remember you are doing an amazing job in very difficult circumstances and you will get thru it .We are all here for you .lots of hugs xxx

Hi, I am caring for my wife 

, she has been fighting breast cancer for the last 7 years and yesterday started chemo for the sixth time. The cancer has spread from the mastectomy site to the fluid around the lungs and the around the lungs and deeper in the lung wall. Surgery is no longer an option and radiotherapy can only be used in a localised area. The best we can hope for is a slowing down if the disease. 

We have our first grandchild due in March so we are hoping she will be around for that. 

I have told Shirley ( my wife) that she needs to be as stubborn to this cancer as she has been to me at times. We still have a lot of laughs and when she sees her consultant she asks “is it worth me buying some new knickers” .

Rob

Thank you Granny Sue, I phoned the palliative care team yesterday to ask when they thought they would be draining his abdomen. I had to leave a message and the doctor happened to phone back whilst I was walking Charlie. She said she would call in next Wednesday to discuss it. She had already explained the proceedure last week before we met the oncologist. I feel quite nervous as to why we need this meeting. . How are you Granny Sue? Xxxx

Hello wingman, thank you for taking the time to reply, it's such a comfort when people do. It's good to write things down but even better to be acknowledged I think. What an awful time you are all having, what a brave family you are with a fantastic sense of humour. Cancer is a thief, it robs us of our normality, our plans, our best friends. It shows how strong you are that you are still fighting after 7 years. Ken was diagnosed August 2018,and I feel we are already reaching the end of the road. How long can anyone survive with so few calories.? You sound as though you still have lots to talk about, I am ashamed to say we struggle a it. He gets annoyed when I offer food he doesn't want, he is loosing interest in all the things he used to enjoy, our world seems to be shrinking. I guess what I'm saying is that you are doing a great job, I see you were awake early writing this. I love the mornings,, I wish they weren't getting darker.

We will soldier on, loving and caring, because at the end of the day that's what really matters in life. I am sure that here and there we will get a sprinkling of fun xxxxx

Hello wingman, thank you for taking the time to reply, it's such a comfort when people do. It's good to write things down but even better to be acknowledged I think. What an awful time you are all having, what a brave family you are with a fantastic sense of humour. Cancer is a thief, it robs us of our normality, our plans, our best friends. It shows how strong you are that you are still fighting after 7 years. Ken was diagnosed August 2018,and I feel we are already reaching the end of the road. How long can anyone survive with so few calories.? You sound as though you still have lots to talk about, I am ashamed to say we struggle a it. He gets annoyed when I offer food he doesn't want, he is loosing interest in all the things he used to enjoy, our world seems to be shrinking. I guess what I'm saying is that you are doing a great job, I see you were awake early writing this. I love the mornings,, I wish they weren't getting darker.

We will soldier on, loving and caring, because at the end of the day that's what really matters in life. I am sure that here and there we will get a sprinkling of fun xxxxx

Hi Pam betterthan Wednesday !! Bill devloped a rash in his groin which I thought was sweat rash but our daughter who is a registered nurse said she thought it could be shingles. We went to the docters who confirmed it was shingles and also he had another chest infection. !! So he is now on  anti virals and antibiotics . His disphasia is worse and he is struggling to understand some processes i.e Television programmes and controls .Also computer tasks are baffling him as well  .But the onclogy team said he is stable and the area of enhancement is nothing to be worried about .I just have a grim laugh to myself Pam he is deterioting and these infections will reoccur but we just carry on he isnt going to get better now but may be like this (which could be worse )for a while .Thank goodness for everyone here and a very black sense of humour lots of love to us all its not going to detroy any of us on here we will get thru it xxx

Yes, we will but I darent think about the after, even though I imagine feelings will be mixed. I guess we have started our grieving process already. They are still the men we love, but we can't stop them fading away from us a little further every day, no matter how hard we hold their hands. I phoned macmillan to ask when I should be concerned about his abdominal distension due to the fluid. They were very helpful. The phonecall he took yesterday saying we would meet next Wednesday to discuss it didn't give any advice on the 6 days in between. Waiting, waiting waiting. Xxxx

My wife is currently watching Harry Potter (not my cup of tea), I wish I could send you Harry's magic wand to make it all better for you.

I think what helps me is the attitude that Shirley took from day one, she has never said "oh way me" she things oh way anyone. She though to herself that i can be miserable or i can fight it and get on with my life.

She had a period in the 7 years that she was not needing any treatment that was from June 2013 to March 2016, during that time her mother was diagnosed with lung cancer in March 2015 and died in July 2015, my dad died in January of that year and her nephew was diagnosed with Leukaemia just before his 19th Birthday and we lost him last halloween. Just before her mum died she told Shirley that she wasn't well (meaning Shirley) and in the march the following year she was diagnosed with BC again and had a Mastectomy and a further 3 or 4 operations after that as the cancer cells kept presenting in the scar tissue and the mastectomy site.

I'm sorry I can offer you any words of wisdom to help you, I think you have to think that at the worst times its the cancer that is making your Ken behave that way and that it has robbed you of him, and you are correct it is a comfort when you get a reply, Thank you.

Thank you so much for caring. The doctor called yesterday evening to check on the amount of abdominal fluid he has. I was concerned that it could be damaging his internal organs but apparently its OK for now and probably until he is reviewed Wednesday. It's just damn uncomfortable and he has to put up with it as the pain relief doesn't really help that feeling. I felt bad getting the doctor out but I wish they would give us carers a bit more information so we know what to expect and look out for. I know that it's their job but being with someone 24/7 hearing them moaning and trying to get comfortable without success is sad and worrying. You are probably right that it's the cancer talking when he gets grumpy, I so admire the way he copes with it. Your wife is amazing as a family you have been through so much. The hospital appointments, and treatment, the anxiety and loss 9f family members. Your mother in law must have had a premonition or be psychic, perhaps she had a message given to her.

Hope you can have a good day, rugby is on so we will try. Best wishes Pam

There is nothing to prepare you for having to care for a loved one with cancer and it’s a case of making it up as you go along or seems to be that way. At the moment I am still working full time as Shirley is reasonably independent at the moment although I am doing more around the house now like most if the laundry and other house work I think going to work at the moment is a bit of an escape and while I am working I can pretend everything is ok.

My mother in law was a wonderful person and I miss her deeply, she always knew things before they happened and I think it was from her Irish background  

I have had an interesting day today, this morning I drive up to Leeds to the passport office for an interview to get my first passport, I thought at 57 years of age it was about time. Shirley wanted me to get my passport but I felt like it was a betrayal to her getting one without her getting one too.

In the afternoon I took my dog to be bathed only to be called back about 10 mins after leaving him, he had got too stressed and broke the dog bath and managed to break a harness. He is a big chocolate Labrador who I s very strong but very loveable when Shirley has a few tears he us there to comfort her.

If your ok I will keep in touch with you and perhaps we can compare notes. We have meeting on Wednesday to see if we can get any financial assistant and also a blue badge for Shirley, I’ll let you know how we get on .

Anyway back to work tomorrow afternoon.