What did everyone do about work?

FormerMember over 5 years ago

21 replies
36 subscribers
11506 views

Hi there

My husband was diagnosed with stage 3 stomach cancer in June 2019 and life has been a blur since then. He’s gone through 4 rounds of chemo and is now waiting to have his stomach removed. My work gave me compassionate leave so I could support him through the treatment. We’ve also got 2 teenage boys, so it was great I was around for them too throughout the whole school summer break. This has given me time to juggle all the hospital visits along with household tasks, family time, plus have some time to look after myself.

As my husband’s waiting for his op, and schools are back, I decided to return to work. Any more time off would have been unpaid. At first it was great doing something “normal”. But I’m starting to feel like it’s too much. I’m tired and weepy at work, and really just going through the motions. I have a stressful job and manage a team of people in 5 different locations, so it would be difficult to reduce my hours. I also feel guilty doing something normal while my husband is going through such a sh*t time. Work really feels pointless and I’d rather be with my husband.

I’m just curious to hear what everyone else found worked best for them? Stop work,reduce hours or best to keep going?

Thanks

Phil

FormerMember over 5 years ago

Hi Phil

I cared for my mother for 11 years when she had a a stroke and it developed into vascular dementia. I was a secondary school science teacher. I reduced my hours to 4 days a week but the stress was still huge. Young staff with no responsibilities didn't understand why you were late because your mother couldn't wash herself. Senior management seemed only too pleased to see a highly qualified member of staff, who was on a high salary point, struggle hoping she would leave and they could employ two cheaper ones. My union rep was my boss. Eventually depression struck and I quit.

I now work for a private school on a zero hours contract. No pay for time off or holidays but I don't have to go cap in hand. Mum died 5 years ago. 18 months ago my partner, now husband, was diagnosed with incurable stage 4 colorectal cancer with mets in the lungs and liver. We are into chemo and sepsis. I'm a carer again. This time I'm taking the time I need. If it means dipping into savings then so be it. Work loses its meaning when someone you love is suffering. A pupil's moans about not having a pen irritate me when you've been cleaning blood off the bathroom floor that morning.

I'm in the process of applying for Attendance allowance for hubby. I still earn too much for carers' allowance but do apply for what you can. If it means you can work one less day do so. It will help. Dont feel guilty about work. Do what keeps you healthy and strong.

I'm.typing this sitting alone again. Hubby sleeps a lot these days and his appetite is poor.

Good luck with your employer.

Mew

More from this forum

What did everyone do about work?