We are 10.months into a terminal diagnosis for my husband- stomach cancer. Don't know how much longer he will live. I love him to bits. I don't want him dead but I want this over. I feel like shit to be even thinking this.
Dont worry you are not alone a lot of us feel like that and I would say its a perfectly normal reaction to a devasting situation you find yourself in . Its having to watch people you love in pain and become a different person to the one you fell in love with the endless ,rounds of treatment scans side effects pills it all takes it toll . We will support you on here keep posting it really helps take care lots of hugs xx
You know what really irks me is seeing the oncologist after a scan which says nothing has changed who then says go and have a normal life. NORMAL!!!! What does that mean?? There is nothing normal about this. I absolutely have no idea how to be normal.
Hi penny, I can relate to everything you say,and Normal has definitely left the building and been missing for a year now. I don't know what the answer is but I feel we have these appointments and then are left to flounder, not knowing what to do or expect, what our role is, when we should phone the doctors, the list goes on. This forum is so helpful in every way xxxx
And on tp of all this, I work full time. Not at the moment because i am signed off. Can't cope with work and this. I work for the local council in child services so sick pay alliwance is generous. But not indefinite. So I am anxious about the future. Can't work, can't afford not to work.
NtheE - I find managing the uncertainty really destabilising. On the one hand trying to squeeze every moment and knowing time might be short, but also carrying on as usual and not knowing if it is a sprint or a marathon. Wanting it to all be over seems part of the whole heap of emotions. I have never known such dread and anticipation. Adjusting to the new normal is maybe about allowing all the difficult feelings to just be there and trying not to let them take over (ha, easier said than done). This group is somewhere where it is useful to be able to write things.
Hi there, I only work 15 hours a week but don't know for how much longer. 10 days ago I told my boss to F.. K off as he was expecting us to carry a large heavy box to the post office in the rain when his car was outside. I hadn't heard any more but my manageress told me it would be a good idea to apologise, even if I didn't mean it. I told her I wasn't going to be able to. I have all this anger inside I just want to fight him. Getting prescriptions delivered seems to be an issue at the moment, things keep not getting picked up or del9. Pharmacy and gp probably fed up with constant changes. Had an appointment for his a an with instructions to drink a total of 1500ml water with this dye. I told them it would he impossible and the lady was quite shirty until she read his files he a can now drink the dye neat 3 hours before. Getting any one to answer the phone is also time consuming. Sorry to make this about me, just having a rant, I do understand completely how you feel and wish you the best things can be. Much love Pam x
I definitely understand how you feel especially. What you said " I don't want him dead but I want this over" I have thought that many time since my husband's incurable diagnosis 5 years ago. It makes me feel so bad thinking like that. We have been together for nearly 50 years I can't imagine a life without him. I just feel worn down by it all. Sorry can't be much help but belive me you are not alone feeling this way x
