Husband terminally ill

Gosh that's a tricky one., whether to give up work. I imagine that 8t would seem the obvious thing to do but if you think deeper you have to consider whether you could cut hours, take leave, anything that would stop you having to finish work completely. It all depends on how you feel about it, is it an important  time for you to have time to be just you. Does your husband need you there or are there others that can help. Would you be able to get your job back if you did finish or find another job later on? How are you able to manage financially if you give up work, will you regret it if you don't. I only work 15 hours, but I am hanging on to my job as long as I can. Partner has pancreatic cancer and melanoma, don't know the outcome, still waiting for scans as blood tests are cause for concern. Think I will take it week by week. Hope you find the right decision for you both, what does hubbie think? Xxx

Thanks for your speedy reply. Nice to see in my inbox when I woke up ( had a lovely dream about my husband last night, in which he wasn’t ill. Look forward to my unconscious serving up more of those.)

I meant being signed off work as opposed to leaving my job - sorry, I can see that was not clear. But being signed off to me means being ill and I’m not, at least not at the moment. I just know I’m going to eventually be in a situation where I will need time but because work has always been hugely important to me, i guess I’m postponing the inevitable. I think I’ll feel clearer about it once he’s home and I see how we manage. My job is quite flexible and I can work from home a bit, plus I only do 4 days a week. 

I hope you are managing and feeling ok. Fifteen hours a week of relative normality will be very good for you I imagine.

Keep in touch x

Thank you for replying.

I took 3 month career break and was due to go back to work end August.

A meeting had been arranged for end of July to make decision. I was going to hand in my notice as he really can't be left.

Unfortunately hubby took a bad turn on Monday and I did not attend meeting and my husband passed away on Friday.

I have no regrets, it's obviously meant that I now return to work.

Graham is now pain free and at peace after a horrendously long battle.

Xx

Hi there, so sorry for your loss, am glad that your husband is no longer suffering. It sounds to me that you have done everything and more than you could have done for him. Thinking of you xx

Hi Alison, sorry, I understand now what you meant.. I guess you feel there may be times ahead when you need to be signed off and you are not sure as yet whether those times are now. The not knowing is so difficult, there is no script or plan to follow and things seem to change so quickly. A decision made one day may need to be altered the next, so any relief you feel that having made that decision is soon gone. I always thought I was free and easy and flexible until now! I think to a certain extent  we need answers which probably no one can give us, and maybe we don't really want to know. Am I talking rubbish,?

I do hope that things become clearer once he's home. Partner went in and had lymph node biopsy an d further skin excision for melanoma last Wednesday. For a couple of days he felt so much better, I am convinced that he was rehydrate during surgery and that is why. He also has pancreatic cancer and isn't eating or drinking much and has upset stomach. We are now back to him feeling pretty lousy. Hope you have the best Sunday you can, pam xx

I’m so touched that you took time to reply to me when you must  be reeling from your recent loss. I’m glad he’s no longer suffering but my heart goes out to you. I hope that you’re well supported. I will look for your posts on here if you keep writing - you are just ahead of me on the journey none of us would have chosen to take. Look after yourself and thank you for reaching out to a stranger xx

Dear Pam ( lovely to have your name) you are absolutely right. I’m craving answers and certainty when none are possible. And that makes it harder still. I’m having to learn to live in the moment (bend with the wind). Our daughter is here for the weekend which is cheering for us both. 

Glad you had a couple of good days last week. 

Hope you have the best Sunday you can too. 

Alison x 

Thanks Alison, Ken is still battling his cancers at the moment. These forums are such a support, so glad we have each other. X

Thanks Alison, Ken is still battling his cancers at the moment. These forums are such a support, so glad we have each other. X