How are you?

Hi there, I know exactly what you mean about the dissociative state. I am the same, to an extent that I don't even cry. I think that it is a coping and survival mechanism. I admit to just saying that I am fine if people ask because in a weird way I am at the moment. Perhaps stressed would be the best word if I had to pick one, stressed because he is not eating or taking the meal supplements he has been given and I am watching him fade away in front of my eyes, stressed because it is a battle to see a doctor, find parking anywhere for gp or hospital appointments. Stressed because it  seems to be a lot of box ticking and we are given advice that is just common sense. Stressed because he has no energy to help me and I have to do it all, stressed because I don't like the person I am at the moment.. I hope I have nt depressed you, thankyou for your post which I suddenly realised has let me get things off my chest. Wishing you the best weekend you can have

Hello, we are the same age almost exactly and life is not turning out as expected. I read somewhere about needing to be like a tree that can bend with the wind and rain and weather the storm. We will weather our storms I’m sure, but it’s important to look after ourselves. I think you might be further along with things then I am - it sounds like your partner is at home. Be a bit selfish and take time for yourself, so you can be like the flexible tree. 

I hope this doesn’t sound too mad - I like a metaphor and absolutely love trees and the natural environment.

Keep in touch and stay strong x 

Hi there, I suppose to be honest I don't know what we are dealing with,. I know he has had pancreatic cancer and a couple of months ago he had melanoma. He has had a whipples to remove the pancreatic cancer and the melanoma removed. On Wednesday he has to have a wider excision of skin from the site of. the melanoma on his back and a lymph node biopsy. The tumour markers in his blood have been rising gradually re his pancreatic cancer, the first scan didn't pick anything up but they have ordered another. Meanwhile he is surviving mainly on meal substitutes prescribed by the doctor, he is loosing weight rapidly, and there is nothing I can do toake him take more. No matter what I put in front of him there is an excuse why he can't eat it. Now he has diarrhoea. How. Long can he keep going like this? 

Your last sentence sounds exactly how I feel - my husband (also 33 years) has a terminal brain tumour diagnosed about 5 weeks ago.  I too am in 'coping' mode - hospital visits, keeping other people in the loop about him, etc.  - feel as if I should be much more emotional and distressed - I don't want to fall apart later - I would like to access counselling but the hospital hasn't been very helpful despite promising 'as much support as you need'.  Maybe I just need more support than they can offer?  Dissociative is the perfect work to describe these feelings - thank you for making me realize that it's not just me.

I’m so sorry for your situation. Five weeks isn’t long to get your head round this. My husband was diagnosed just over a year ago. You are probably still in shock. I read your email while I was in the hospital this evening with my husband ( he was being helped to the loo by a nurse) and it was so nice to know my post had resonated with you and to be reminded of the support available online via this community. If you feel you’d benefit from counselling I’d urge you to seek it out - no idea what the options are, but like you, I’ve been told that support is available. Have you been put in touch with any palliative care teams or your local hospice? These two sources seem most likely to me in my area but we shall see. 

Being kind to ourselves seems important  - I’m definitely going for a bike ride tomorrow because it makes me feel good. Look after yourself as well as your husband and keeping everyone else informed - that bit is exhausting. Maybe put them all in a WhatsApp group or do some judicious cutting and pasting of the same text/email. 

Warm wishes