Caring for my husband with Advanced Prostate Cancer

Hi Amy,

Thank you so much for sharing your story.

I felt I wanted to reply because your story is in some ways similar to my husband's and my story.

My husband and I met in Germany during a buddhist seminar in May of 2009. I was 27 and he was 59. We fell in love immediately. We lived in a distant relationship for a year because I was doing a course in Germany and he had to go back to Dublin. But one year later I moved to Dublin.

Like for yourselves, the age gap never mattered to us. We loved each other and knew that we were really and truly good for each other - that was all that mattered.

I knew right from the start that Paul had been diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2003. This at first wasn't obvious to us in any way because it didn't cause him any symptoms and he was only on hormone treatment which meant an injection every three months. But, over time, the cancer spread quite a bit, into his bones, into his lymph nodes and, in the final year, into his liver. And during all that time, my husband became weaker and more dependent on me and I became more and more his carer. I loved caring for him. This is what I really wanted to do out of my deep love for him.

And I cared for him all along.

I have a vision impairment. This didn't cause any problems with the exception of the fact that I cannot drive a car. And when my husband became weaker during the last year when he was on Chemotherapy, I would have loved to be able to bring him in and out to hospital appointments or sometimes bring him places in the car, for a drive into the mountains or something like that that he would enjoy. At home the vision impairment only became a slight problem as my husband became more confused and disoriented towards the end and I would sometimes have needed to see what he was doing or what he was looking at.

Last spring, my husband became very ill with various infections and he passed away on 15th May.

I think it is wonderful that you are looking after your husband so well, but I can also from my own experience completely understand why it is sometimes difficult and challenging. I hope that we here in this group may be of help from time to time when you want to or need to share.

Love, Mel.

Hi Mel.

Thank you for replying, it's so reassuring to hear that there are other's out there similar to me and my husband :-) I was sad to read your husband passed away that must of been hard especially when your caring for someone. I'd never change what me & my husband have I'd care him no matter what. It is challenging sometimes but I get through for him :-) 

2 years ago we found it had gone to his Spine and now it's in his bones so it's effecting how he walks so he's in a wheelchair when we go out anywhere. I pray everyday that they don't say it's spread somewhere else I know that day will come but We are just living for today and making sure we make as many memories as possible :-) 

I feel so lost at the moment as he's been in Hospital since Tuesday night with a very bad UTI, and when I'm on my own it's so odd because he's my world and i feel lost without him. thankfully he is coming home today I am waiting for him to come back in Patient Transport :-) 

It's always lovely to hear from someone who is similar to me & my husband :-) 

Love, Amy

hi amy... thought i would say hello.. i have a similar story.. my hubbie is 25 years older than me.. ive been his carer for 2 years now.. he had a total pelvic exenteration last november.. the only option due to a very large tumour which had invaded his rectum, bladder and prostate.. so they had to remove the whole lot.... its been a very hard time caring for him.. he is still very poorly, and i feel isolated and alone a lot of the time. trying to be a carer, working and running the home is very hard.. and taking his moods on the chin is a nightmare!!.. i find a bottle of wine, a good horror movie and a big bar of chocolate a life saver!! xx

Hi Amy,

I am sorry to hear your husband was in hospital with such a bad UTI and I hope that he came home feeling a lot better. I can understand how you feel when he is not there. I used to have the same feelings on the few occasions when my husband was in hospital; it was like I didn't know what to do with myself and I really couldn't stand the silence.

It sounds wonderful and wise to me when you say that you are spending each day as it comes and making as many good memories as you can. We were the same. We used to say: Today is as good as it can be. We make it as good as it can be. And we only live for today. As my husband's illness progressed, this became more difficult because we had to plan certain things ahead and it was difficult to keep worry and fear at bay. But over all I think we did well. And I am glad you are doing the same.

You never know if and when the cancer will spread. In my husband's case, they spread into his bones but never in such a way that it caused him any pain or difficulty moving. I guess things became worse when the cancer spread into the lymph nodes because then it is literally traveling around your blood stream and it is more likely that they will end up in one of the organs.

Wishing you well and please keep posting.

Love, Mel.