Hi everyone
I'm sitting here thinking who can I ring to say how I'm feeling then realised all those I would normally share things with will not understand or get upset with me. So I'm going to tell you instead and hopefully putting on paper will spur me on.
Tomorrow we head south for a few days in a static caravan in Wales. Normally I would be excited to be going away (anywhere) but this time I'm not sure. In November my husband had a spinal compression (due to his stage 4 advanced prostate cancer being in his bones and lymph nodes), leaving him using sticks. He's been great and worked really hard to improve his mobility then a few weeks ago he was doing his 'I'm the man' bit and built most of an Ikea unit, something I could have done. Since then he has got worse again and is now on 2 crutches. His leg is so bad he can't drive. So basically this next week is going to be hard work as we live in Scotland. I will have all the driving to do, the dog to walk more than usual in a strange place and alone. That's the key word I think, 'alone' , because the last 2 breaks we've had that is how I've felt. He's still his cheery self when he's awake but he does sleep a lot these days. Pushing the wheelchair, which he needs when we are out, can be hard too.
To top it all my brother is having an operation to remove a tumour from his lung on Wednesday so we have to come home via Yorkshire to spend a few days taking my sister in law to visit my brother as she is ill too. Basically I want to find a hole and hide for a wee while but instead I am heading to see my grandchildren (1 and 3) to put a smile back on my face.
Moan over, thank you anyone who has taken time in your busy life to read this. I feel better for just writing this.
Oh and a stairlift was fitted yesterday which is great for hubby but a constant reminder now that he is terminally ill.
