Terrified. Husband very ill now

I am so very sorry to hear this. Wishing you all the strength that you will need over the next couple of days and weeks and months to come.

To MelanieL      im sorry I didn't see your kind reply and you had sent it so quickly at a time last night when I was really really struggling   xx  I think I had set my updates wrong     Im so sorry that you have been down the same route as im now heading      id like to  message again later when im not busy  (MacMillan's coming shortly)     you could tell me  about your  "story"     only if you wanted to      we need all the support we can get        thanks  for your  kindness     

Hi Totallylost

I know exactly how you feel because I'm feeling that way too, it's so hard to cope and be cheerful watching someone you love deteriorate so much and we become carers and no longer a wife. Some days I'm fine others when I've settled him down for the night I just sob because I feel sorry for myself then the guilt sets in because its not me in that has this horrendous disease. 

Thinking of you and sending big hugs 

Carol xxx

Hi Carol    thankyou for your kind message  You must be feeling horrendous and be in total disbelief    like me         my 58 year old husband had problems swallowing in August last year and was diagnosed within a few weeks with inoperable oesophageal cancer  which had already gone to his lymph nodes      he had a stent fitted  and has had 6 rounds of palliative chemo    he was rescanned to see how things had gone and we were told a week ago it had spread     although I knew because of his abdomen starting to swell     it was filling with fluid          in less than a week he has gone to not eating or drinking and his tummy is getting  so big it is  pressing up on his organs and lungs        and now we have the request for him to go into a hospice     he wont even entertain the idea so we are having the hospice at home team         my heart goes out to you     I cant take in or understand what is happening to us    and I know you will feel exactly the same      I lost my husband from the day he was diagnosed   he hasn't been able to cope mentally with any of it    he is now skin and bones after so far losing 5 and a half stone       I am now facing life without him after 30 years     this disease is so cruel       my thoughts are with you and if you need a friend to help us through this awful time or just someone to talk about what is happening to our beloved husbands    and our families  then I would love to talk  xxxxxxxxxxx