Don't Know What To Expect

Hi @sallypond,

Sorry to read your story, it does sound like there are lots of really good things ready to help you but perhaps it is hard to focus on what you need for the moment. My wife's cancer was incurable from the start and we were told chemo was not likely to be effective and so was on watch and wait for a while, her first chemo has some issues but the second has rendered her cancer stable and we have been living with cancer now for 6 years and both are in good health.

I did a living with stress course run by Maggies and learned to live in the here and now because none of us really know what is around the corner. In the meantime I have lost at least three friends to other illnesses - some totally out of the blue.

One of the issues of course, especially when undergoing treatment, is that "other" illnesses still affect you and it is so easy to get in to the looking for signs and thinking it must be the cancer - but a sneeze is still just a sneeze.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Thanks so much for your positive, and very sensible advice Steve. I’ll try to remember a ‘sneeze is just a sneeze’.

When his consultant gave us the diagnosis, he said. ‘You’ll have about eight months, more if the chemotherapy works, but you are going to feel very poorly quite soon’ [And he didn’t mean from the chemotherapy.] That was ten weeks ago and we are both waiting for the bad days to begin. Or have they started?

I think your consultant standards might be very different - perhaps for him a hang nail is enough to make them feel very poorly.

Perhaps the biggest secret to happiness is to be content with what we have got. With my wife and I cancer has certainly helped us to both understand and appreciate each other more.

<<hugs>>

Steve

His consultant knows how tough the Whipple was for him - husband is no baby where pain is concerned - and we found out the hard way he is opiate intolerant - graphic hallucinations in ITU which was like a 30 hour waking nightmare. Not helpful. He's withdrawn and furious right now, doesn't want to talk about it and is unwilling to be touched when he used to be the most affectionate man. I know it's because he is no longer in control and is distancing himself from us and thus the disease. I assume that's normal for some sufferers, but it's hard to take when he won't accept my love. Maybe when he has stopped being angry...... maybe he'll let me back in. 

Hi Sally pond, my partner had a whipples for Pancreatic cancer last November. He was exactly the same when he came home, angry, not wanting to be touched, it was a fight everyday to get him to allow me to give his anti coagulation injections. I tried to be strong and also distanced myself from him as I found the rejection so hard. He was advised to have 6 months chemo as some of the lymph nodes they removed were cancerous. He has refused point blank. He has also refused to let me go to the meetings with the oncologist.. Happily as time passes and he appears well we have both relaxed or become accustomed to this new life and thing are a lot easier, I am sure they will for you xx

Hi sally

just read your post which sounds like my hubby .i hope things are better for you now