Cancer has made my OH selfish

Hi Ragbags1, You've replied to a post that is three years old so it's unlikely you'll get a reply from the member who posted. If you'd like to start a fresh discussion it would save some potential confusion.

My partner has turned me away after months of caring for him. I am so sad and I have to say exhausted 

Oh my goodness, this all sounds so familiar. I burst out laughing when I read about the tv programmes. Mine watches b**** Judge Judy, Nothing to declare and endless repeats of Rick Stein etc. I could almost recite them word for word. When, as currently, our tv aerial is kaput he just scrolls through YouTube 24/7. I sometimes think I could smash him over the head with his iPad.  We’re so lucky that we’re retired and our kids are all grown up, so we don’t have those stresses, but my life has shrunk in on all sides to keep step with his. He doesn’t want to do anything or go anywhere yet he has a limited “Use by” date. He’s still fairly well and able bodied and I can’t understand why he doesn’t want to get out and make the most of his life while he can. So, like you, I try to give myself time out, go shopping or to a nice garden somewhere but I miss his company. If I try to encourage him to come with me he says, “I’ll just be a miserable xxxx” and yet he seems reasonably positive generally.

Yes, I totally get it.  My mum has Stage 4 Breast Cancer, is stubborn, selfish and at times makes me want to scream.  I'm an only child,  neither mum or dad will discuss the future, everything is 'fine'.  They recently got away for a few days and while away, my husband,  kids and I cleared their living room,  kitchen and two halls, to get painter in, new carpet down, then moved everything back in, cleaned, fresh and shiny.  We never got a 'thank you' just my Dad complaining about the smell of paint.  Mum is stable, has lost weight and everyone tells her she looks fantastic.  So that just convinces her that everything is marvellous.  She is finally slim! Yay!  (sarcastic, obviously), but when the scan is no longer stable,  it'll be me sat there with her in hospital,  not my Dad as he never goes to any appointments.  My Dad isn't the one ringing the doctor, or helping when mum doesn't make the toilet in time and has an accident in the car.  I'll be the one having to then tell him the scan is no longer stable.  Then I will watch them again stick their heads in sand and listen to how 'fine' everything will be.  People tell me how fantastic my mum is, great spirit,  determination, inspiration, and yes she is and I love her, she's my best friend but what people don't see is how selfish,  bad tempered, demanding and impatient she can be in the day to day.