Awake and up all night

i agree with you

I'm uncertain.  I saw what it did to the guy - no mobility, couldn't do anything at all for himself and hated what it was doing to his kids, so I understood the decision he'd made.  I wouldn't know what I'd do unless I was in the same situation.

Has your dad been given a prognosis?

the wont give a time frame but said less than 2 years with treatment

Ah, right.  Although timeframes are only guidelines based on statistics.  You'll probably know yourself that many have been given say, a year but that doesn't necessarily mean it's curtains when the year's up.  There's many who go on years after the alloted time given.  No doctor can ascertain how long someone's got.

thats true but he is 85 so not as much strength as a 70yr old even, already very tired and looking thin, id of had a bit more hope if he had the slow growing kind but his is aggressive, im talking about it but it feels like im talking about a friends parent. If i really stop to think i loose it

Yeah, I totally get how you feel and it's all so new, I mean you've only just found out.  But did you suspect when he started to lose weight?  That's why I suspected in the first place when I could suddenly feel my fella's shoulder bones, even though he was still eating well.  It's rotten, right at the start, and I really feel for you.  Who's giving you support or is everyone still knocked for six?

no, my mum has bipolar (which is another branch of worry) but she made them both stop eating meat and fish, now i found out sugar etc and their meals are not big enough or balanced, so he lost weight due to that. He then got a virus and thats when things started to come to light, he found a lump under his arm. He looks a different kind of thin now. Luckily us children can speak to his nurse confidentially, so she is changing his diet, my mums not happy as its her control but she can do one 

Oh crikey.  But his nurse sounds a good place to start and maybe she can suggest other avenues for support.  Macmillan has a helpline too, I think it opens at 8am, but don't try getting through this without any at all as you don't want to crack up.  As you're unfortunately finding out, it's horribly stressful.  Have you spoken to your older siblings about what's happened?

i replied to this but cant see it, can you?