Awake and up all night

Hi Gill - I’m waiting to see the consultant on Monday. But I know it’s bone mets. I’ve been in pain for a while now 

I’m terrified. I can’t go through it again. Treatment options would be limited anyway. I know this is finally it

Aw sweetheart, I don't really know what to say other than could you call someone before Monday, as you can't hold out till then, feeling like this. Do you have someone at home to give you support and comfort? I think you need to speak with someone who can give you some sound advice on what to do next, so maybe consider calling the Macmillan helpline, as it will be active in a few hours. For now though, I'm more than willing to just listen till you feel tired or the sleeping pills kick in. It's not a problem at all xxx

I have my husband. But I try not to break down in front of him because he can’t help and I know he is so anxious anyway. 
I just feel so desperate and I don’t know what to do with myself 

Don't despair, your husband will most likely know exactly how you're feeling so maybe it's better to open up and talk honestly with him. If you'd rather not, reach out to someone who really understands, like others who've been where you are now. Are you still in touch with anyone on the forums? I appreciate they'll most likely be asleep right now, but I won't leave you alone to cope by yourself tonight. Have you thought about the helpline or calling the hospital at all?

No, I’m not in touch with anyone now. I will ring the helpline tomorrow though. 
I don’t think the hospital will be able to help - his clinic is so full. 
I’m sorry. I know nobody can do anything. 

Don't ever be sorry for reaching out sweetheart. I'm sorry because there's nothing practical I can do except listen, which I will for as long as you like. I do think it's for the best that you call the helpline as I'm sure they'll give you good advice what to do next. And somebody will be able to do something, you won't be left to cope alone, but the sooner you see someone in the know, the better you'll feel. I sincerely hope it will be before Monday as you need some swift respite xxx

Thank you, Gill. 
I don’t think there’s any hope of seeing him before Monday - I think his clinics are only on Mondays at my hospital. I just don’t know how to get though the days and nights 

Maybe try his secretary if you've got a number, and explain how anxious you are. It might work to get your appointment moved forward, but if you think he only does Mondays, there might be someone else in the hospital who could see you. Failing that, ring your GP in the morning and express how helpless you're feeling and you need to speak to someone as soon as possible for your wellbeing. They can't deny you that, surely. Did you get the sleeping tablets prescribed by your doctor? If so, ask to speak to them and tell them they've not worked and your sleep is being compromised by worrying about the upcoming appointment. Try everything you can think of my lovely, as waiting almost a week isn't an option, especially feeling like you do right now xxx

Good morning courtlandcats

Gill has given some good advice. The only thought I have is whether you could call the oncology department at your hospital and ask to speak to a specialist nurse. 

I hope you managed to get some sleep as things always seem worse when you can't sleep. 

H 

Morning. I hope you managed to get some sleep. I know the anxiety waiting for the results. Have you been told its bone mets? As often there are many causes for bone pain or it could be something called deffered pain, but I guess the appt on Monday is with an Oncologist. However, your profile says you had  treatment back in 1977 for a cancer difficult to treat and sounds like your body responded well to the treatment. Lucky now days treatment is more advanced and improved greatly since. Which I know wont feel like it, but its a postive view. 

I would definitely give the help line a ring and talk about your thoughts and feelings. I would try not to second guess what treatment may be offered or not. Easier said as I tried to second guess too.

If I was to start this journey again then I would have stopped the late night Google searches much earlier and reading all the negative statistics. Oh how we grow and adapt with hindsight. 

You could try and ring the nurses but to be honest they wont be able to disuss your scan results until a consultant as reviewed them, but they can offer support and may offer some advice around the treatment which may be offered. 

Also the appointment on Monday may be with the only specialist that deals with this type of cancer, so it could be a reason you may have to wait is to see the right person with the skills and knowledge. I had to wait so I seen a consultant who specialised in advanced kidney cancer, so my treamtent is better placed. Just another thought to add to the mix. 

If sleeping tablets not helping then speak with your GP today and ask them for something a little stronger if possible. 

I hope this helps and can already seen the amazing people on here have already been their true and supportive selfs. 

Sending a big hug and like always we are all here for you x