Awake and up all night

my distress is all the things that scare me from this Forum xxx

& emails from Macmillan - will take a break but at the moment that's what I do not need I need this place 

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Thanks Kez, we love getting back to Scotland whenever we can, mostly for holidays, but we have family in Banavie who we visit, who are with us in the Scilly's for a month, unfortunately not me, as I have to return for appointments in a week, then again a week later, , could be worse.

Eddie xx 

Hello LauraJane and a very warm welcome to our little group.

Aw you poor love, you're having a tough time but I'm certain that things will get better very soon after your surgery. It's a long one, ten hours, but you will handle it my lovely, and trust your surgeon as he'll know exactly what he's doing. Hey, my fella's op was over eleven hours, but it was me doing all the worrying as he was out for the count! If course he had the recovery to handle after, but it was surprisingly quick and he was back on his wobbly feet within a few days. 

Be brave sweetheart, you can do this and then you'll be able to move forward. Sending you hugs, strength and love xxx

Hello LauraJane. This sub-forum is often active during the day and night. Your message came through fine. Have you got family or friends who can lend an understanding ear? Perhaps someone within your medical team could offer some support by explaining your next stage of treatment and giving you some reassurance. The MacMillan help line may be able to give tips as to how to go  about contacting your team. These medical procedures can often seem daunting but having a bit more information about how the medics plan to help you with reconstruction could reduce your concerns. My best wishes for a successful procedure which improves your ability to eat. Ray xx     

Oh my goodness, thank you so much for replying. It's a good point. It will be my husband who has to worry for the 10 hours. I guess I haven't had that much sleep for a long time and should embrace it. My daughter is excited about the things we'll hopefully be able to do again. I had a warthins tumor that turned cancerous. That only happens to 5% of those tumours and I worry that statistics don't like me. 
Thank you again for such a lovely message. Made me feel less alone with my thoughts xxx

Thank you so much for replying. 
I do have support. But every night my head floods with worries as it did when I was first diagnosed. The forum is a wonderful idea. 
Yes, good suggestion. I have two pre op appointments on Thursday. I could go armed with questions My husband will be with me. 
Thank you so much for your reply. I really appreciate it. I need to stop googling things and trust my surgeon.  Xx

Happy birthday Ray, and I hope you have a wonderful day my friend, well away from hospital. and thank you for your admiration, but it's not deserved, I've only just turned 60 and can maybe walk for 10 minutes on a good day.

If it's any consolation my friend, I can't have a catheter, even though it would help, because as soon as I begin to pee, the balloon pops and nobody knows why. 

Best wishes to you my friend.

Eddie xx 

You come back here anytime you want to sweetie, and we'll always reply as we understand all too well how this awful disease affects people.

You've been unlucky with your diagnosis, but like Ray suggested, speak to your team for reassurance and try for as much rest as you can as you need your strength built up.

Aw your daughter's got the right idea, looking forward to all the things you'll be able to enjoy doing together after the op, so hold on to that.

Now I'm going to try for some sleep, another early start for us, groan, so you have a try too my lovely. Drop in anytime, day or night, and I'll look forward to chatting again. Night sweetie and sleep well xxx

Awww Jann, I will miss you my friend, as will all your friends on here, you do what you have to sweetheart, and come back, as soon as you can.

love Eddie and family xx 

A bit of light hearted trivia: My catheter and bag plumbing is secured within my clothing using white elastic straps with velcro connections. Earlier today I removed one of them because it seemed unnecessary. This evening I changed my mind but could not find the strap anywhere. Half an hour ago I saw that it had attached itself to my right shoe. I'm hoping that it had simply fallen out of a trouser leg this evening. Otherwise, the people in the Co-op this afternoon must have wondered why I had a white tassel on my right foot. With luck, they may have thought I was a retired Morris Dancer.