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“Getting a cancer diagnosis is extremely stressful, and that brings a whole load of emotions, and lack of sleep certainly does not help. I think many of us have periods of insomnia. I experienced a long period of not sleeping. I could go off to sleep quite quickly, but after an hour I would find myself wide awake again, and would spend the rest of the night getting frustrated because I couldn't sleep."
Community member, ‘Pancreatic cancer’ group
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I think that's how it goes for most of the night 
s. Hence sudden silence... which may or may not be site issues.
Nyt, hoping it's rejuvenating sleep if it happens.
hmmm.
Well he was never exuberant but usually personable and quite chatty. I've always been very upfront and not one to hide my feelings, so after several years together my influence rubbed off and he became much more open and willing to spill. He really had no option as he knows what I'm like and will dig until I know what's what.
It's all one sided now and I have to prise every mortal thing out of him. It's exhausting xxx
I am not surprised you are exhausted ... you are living several lives at the same time!
By which I mean, for example, you have had no time to grieve for the way things were and were going to be. No space in which to express your personal grief.
Shared grief with OH is different and I know tackling his depressed state doesn't leave an opening for that either.
Then add in the multifaceted ways in which you are the conduit for OH.
Yeah, I know some good words. Sometimes I even use them appropriately 
Cheers
All used appropriately and perfectly summed up. 
You should have been a councellor and I'd have booked your supreme services for OH.
You know what? I've thought about ringing the Samaritans once or twice but after hearing of Gill's experience I've binned that idea. I suppose they'd only tell me what I already know as you yourself reiterated what I've chimed out to OH on several occasions.
This trip into moving land has rejuvenated me but I'm desperately trying to rub some of that onto OH. It works a little bit until someone else gets their oar in...
xxx
Gill, you are coping with a highly responsible and demanding care routine - there's rarely any let up for you - yet you are very often cheerful and helpful to members on here, something that I'm sure we are all grateful for. OH is also facing a tough life after a gruelling time pulling out of a cancer crash dive, but he's still here. You are his guardian vampire, ensuring that he keeps on going despite communication challenges. The unyielding pressure is bound to test your stamina and morale now and then. To an outsider like me, you are both incredible. Virtual hugs can sometimes help. They are on the way. I will also request that the chief guardian vampire sorts out better circumstances for both of you, maybe a lower maintenance flat with an incognito address will pop up soon. 
. xxx
