Feeling alone

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Hi, I'm new here. I had a lumpectomy and SNB on 13th December and am awaiting my pathology results for next steps. I'm grade 2 pr+ her2- and just turned 40. 

I feel silly saying this, but even though I have family around me for support I find I'm feeling really lonely. I generally am a be positive, put myself last and get on with it kind of person so I find it hard to be vulnerable or ask for anything. People keep saying you'll be ok, you'll be on the other side soon and I'm smiling and nodding along but I just don't see it. The wait for the results to see if it's spread, if the margins are clear and if I need chemo feels so long. I had an appointment booked yesterday but the results aren't back so it's been moved to next week now. I know I'll have hormone therapy and radiotherapy. 

No real point to this post, just a little rant. 

  • I think it's OK to have those days where you do feel a bit sorry for yourself. Being strong and positive all the time is exhausting, doing life, work, parenting all whilst having the worry and the endless appointments is hard!

    I feel different on different days. I'm 38 and have just been diagnosed this month. Luckily it's early and treatable but I do need to have chemo. Feeling a bit scared and stressed today but other days I feel much stronger. I think it's OK to acknowledge how we are feeling. 

    Hope your next appointment is good news! Xx