Doing this on my own.

Thank you Happygolucky - I really appreciate you taking the time to reply.

I’m not completely sure what will happen on Tuesday all I really know is that I have an appointment at the breast clinic. This started last week when I noticed that that the upper outside part of my right breast was sore to the touch. It also felt ‘lumpy’ if that makes sense! I do have some similar lumps on the other side but it felt much more pronounced on the right. I went to the GP on Friday who said that she felt thickening & at this point it was still very sore in one particular area. Strangely this soreness lasted until yesterday when it disappeared & has been replaced with a more general achy feeling. I also have what looks like dimpling on the underside of the same breast. Although I am examining it far too often now which is unlikely to be helping!

I’m not sure what to make of it all which is why I felt a little bad about posting here before I know anything. I have found this site such a help already though. Just getting it out of my own head has made me feel a little better! 

Hi KMS70 - thanks so much for replying. I really appreciate it. This was one of the first posts I looked at & I was so surprised to see someone from Fife & someone from Edinburgh. It may sound silly but that really cheered me up! 

This site is great & has been so helpful. I haven’t told many people what’s going on & trying to act normally when my mind is in overdrive has been difficult. It’s lovely to have somewhere to chat to people about it. 

You are absolutely right about trying not to worry. I seem to swing between feeling fairly good & being really low. I can completely understand now why people say that waiting on results is one of the worst things. That’s really reassuring to hear you say that the fear is worse than the reality - I do have a tendency to build things up in my mind! Meeting for coffee would be lovely. 

Thanks for your support xx

Hi Bubbles  If you are swinging between feeling fairly good and really low - then that is so normal , really it is. Go with it.  I think it important to let yourself feel down telling yourself you will soon feel OK again - worst thing in the world is to feel bad for feeling low . I have had to learn to do this.   One thing I would really urge you to do, is only read Macmillan's site right now.  There is so much rubbish on other sites and often inaccurate - it would freak anyone out.   I would also say there is no right way to do this, you have to do what suits you.  I didn't tell many people either and... I didn't made a big announcement when I did know but everyone is so different as are their circumstances.  If there was ever a time to do what the hell suits you THIS IS IT .  I live in the North side of Edinburgh, about 50 minutes walk from the Western so fairly easy to meet for coffee when you are ready.  

WOW and wow

All you lovely ladies on this thread. You have found one another

So pleased and hope you will have many opportunities to link up

Can I just reiterate KSM's post . DON'T do Dr Google. It can be so so silly and scarey and cr**. Stick with these bona fide sites

Wishing you all well on your roller coaster rides

Leolady - has been known to gallop to ops.

KMS70

what a good feeling it was to walk out of the chemo ward yesterday- okay I am back in 3 weeks for my herceptin but still!   That will be you soon. 

I hope you have a nice weekend.  When is your next chemo due? Hopefully you are at a good part of your cycle. 

It's a shame you don't have a named breast cancer nurse, I have found mine useful mostly in the respect that she is my main point of contact. I can imagine the demand on the services at your local Maggie. I attend the monthly breast cancer group at mine, I have also attended the look good, feel better session and the nutrition course. Oh and a head/hair drop in where the local wig hairdresser came in to share advice and reassurances.  I am hoping to join the chair yoga class soon and I have also attended the mindfulness and relaxation class.  I am currently signed off work and sometimes just pop into maggies for a coffee. I am going to be applying to the Macmillan move more too for some exercises.

I recently met with a Macmillan benefits advisor as my sap is due to run out in march. Some times my weeks are so busy!  

Today I have plans to tackle my ironing pile, I haven't dared look out the window yet to see how the snow is looking.  Tomorrow weather dependent I am attending a baby shower and my eldest son is attending a birthday party.  My chemo side effects usually kick in on the Sunday night/Monday.  I will probably lay low this week. Got ultrasound and mammogram appointments next week and meeting the surgeon and oncologist the week after. Hopefully get a date for my surgery.  I have a holiday booked for may 31st (booked pre diagnosis) and my team are supporting that I go- so have a fairly tight time scale for surgery, recovery and radiotherapy- but what a great incentive and a big shining light at the end of this tunnel.

Speak soon 

X

Hi Bubbles, 

I am so glad to hear your referral to the breast clinic was picked up quickly and that you are being seen soon. The staff at the breast unit at queen Margaret are very nice.  It's a one stop clinic so you may be waiting around a bit as they try to do everything they need to do in the first visit. Are you taking someone with you? 

Where about in Fife are you? I am in Glenrothes.  One of the staff at Maggies was a breast cancer specialist nurse prior to taking up her post at maggies fife. She has been a great support to me as she is so knowledgable and often talks me through the things I forgot to check out in appointments. 

I really hope your appointment on Tuesday goes well and I will be thinking about you. 

My journey to diagnosis was not very straightforward. I had an early screening mammogram in November '16 as I turned 40 and my family has high incidence of bc.  I was tested for the braca gene in 2012 but we don't carry it.  My mammogram was clear.  In Feb 2017 I came off the contraceptive pill, April '17 I notice every pain in my breast and nipple changes.  I thought it was connected to my menstrual cycle and decided to see how it was after my first period after stopping the pill.  The pain got worse etc and the nipple continued to invert.    I finally went to my go in July, by this time I also had a lump. The breast clinic appointment came through for 5 weeks later despite being an urgent referral. Apparently the delay was due to demand on the services and staff annual leave.       I made the decision to get an initial breast consulation done privately.  I met with the surgeon who examined my breasts. I then had a few mammograms and an ultrasound. The radiologist was able to tell me from the ultrasounds that yes I had bc in my left breast and I had a suspicious looking lymph node.  I fed back into the NHS for my biopsies and I attended the breast clinic a week earlier than my initial assessment app would have been.  I was told then the type of cancer it was etc and that yes it was also in my lymph node. This was on August 22nd. I finally started my chemo on October 6th. Everything that could go wrong for me did. However though the team are so thorough and i am glad they were.

My chemo has been ok and at times I have felt awful but it hasn't been as awful as I feared initially.  I have had a good response to the chemo so far but unfortunately at my mid way scans it was confirmed that I have a small lesion in my liver which is secondary breast cancer. It is  very small and it has shrunk a little with the chemo and I have no symptoms from it yet. My team have a plan and will monitor it closely. 

So I finished chemo yesterday and my next stage is a single masectomy. I plan to get a bra fitting shortly so I can organise my post surgery bra. 

I hope you manage to have a nice weekend.  Talk soon. 

 X

Hi KMS70

This thread is so lovely really shows the strength of the forum and that we're all in it together xx

Hi KMS70,

I have to say, I am feeling so much better today after speaking to everyone on here. I am absolutely blown away by how supportive this forum is. I expected maybe 1 or 2 replies but nothing like this. It is lovely. I really do think that talking about things make them seem less frightening.

That is really good advice about trying not to feel bad about feeling down. I keep thinking that I should just be positive but it can be hard to stay that way all of the time and then I end up having a bit of a meltdown. It is also good advice to stay away from the rest of the internet - as i found out over the last few days! I scared myself silly reading some of the websites and was completely convinced that I had something awful that couldn't be treated. This site gives much more useful information and it is great to be able to speak to people for advice. I just can't get over how helpful everyone is. I

I have only really told my Mum and a close friend. However, I have kind of glossed over it a little with them as I don't want to worry them. My friends partner has only just recovered from oesophageal cancer and I don't want her to worry about me now unnecessarily. I'm quite a private person and I'm also quite shy so I don't like to bother anyone else with this. However it really does help to be able to talk about it. 

Thanks so much for your support again, I would definitely like to meet up for coffee at some point. I actually work in Edinburgh so am there often xx

Hi Happygolucky,

Thanks for your reply! It is reassuring to hear that the breast clinic at Queen Margaret is so good. I was actually there once years ago (probably 15 or so!) with a breast lump, which turned out to be benign. I can't remember much about the clinic or the process though. I actually live in Dunfermline so it is very handy for me. I am from Kirkcaldy originally though so i know Glenrothes fairly well. My Mum is coming with me on Tuesday, she has been really supportive.

I'm so sorry to hear what a difficult journey you have had so far - although I really admire how positive you are about it all. If it isn't too personal a question would you mind me asking what the pain in your breast was like? I am very confused by the breast pain that I have had (which is the reason I initially went to my GP). It started as a sharp pain which only happened when i touched a particular area - sort of the top outside quarter of my breast. That lasted for just over a week and then just seemed to disappear. I am now getting a more general, though less intense, pain all over. I have never experienced anything like it before.

Oh my goodness, I can't believe you would have had to wait 5 weeks for an appointment at the clinic. That is awful. I feel very lucky to have been given an appointment within 10 days of seeing my GP but even that seems a long wait. I really don't think I could have dealt with a 5 week wait and would probably also have chosen to pay privately.

It sounds like you have a very good team around you, which must really help. Are they based in Fife or Edinburgh? Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. It is so helpful to hear other peoples stories, it makes it all seem doable somehow.

Thanks so much for your good wishes for Tuesday - I will definitely let everyone know how it goes and I feel much more prepared for it whatever happens. Have a lovely weekend too xx