My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

FormerMember over 16 years ago

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My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Thanks Sue i'll try xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Sue you will go back to work when you think you are ready but that is not the same as 'being' ready. I have returned to work but am now wondering whether it was a good decision. Trouble is the longer I stayed off the harder it was to go back. So many changes in 6 months. It s like starting a completely new post. Everyone does things in their own time and what works for one does not necessarily work for another.
Dotteee and everyne else who is card making. Good for you.
Claire, welcome to the 'I don't know what to do' club x x
Lynne, I hope the food preparation is going well. My thoughts are with you for Saturday.
Got to go now..... working a 12 hour shift tonight. Wish me luck (spent half of last night's shift in tears).
Good night all. Be good and have a lovely evening. Love and angel Hugs x x Patricia x x

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi everyone,

Hi Claire - so sorry for your loss. Everyone has given you great advice. Only you know best whether it is too soon but I too felt if I left it too long it would have been harder and I have a great boss so if I need to go home I just do and work hours to suit myself at the moment.

Patricia - hope you have a better night tonight - sorry to hear you had a bad night.

Helen, Ailsa, Fiona, Sue, Lynne - hope you are doing okay.

Well I got today over with and I am feeling pretty down tonight to be honest. Had a wee cry when I got to the school but managed to hold it together long enough to get him in his class as he kept asking why I was sad because I was crying. He had a great day opening all his presents then going to school then we all went out for a nice lunch. He said it was the best birthday he had ever had!

Here is a wee pic of him in his uniform:

Gayle xx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Well done Gayle xxxx

Lovely pic, Happy Birthday!!!! You`re allowed a few tears, you must be so relieved today is nearly done.

Hope tonight goes well Lynne xxx

Son has gone to the 1st home game of the season but there has been a mix up season tickets and he`s queueing to get into the game. My stomach is doing somersaults as I feel so upset he`s missed the beginning of the game and a goal poor thing!! Why is nothing simple???

Hope tonight goes better Patricia

Helen xxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi everyone. The pictures are lovely Gayle. Well done today. What a lovely thing for him to say - his best birthday ever!

Enjoy that drink Lynne. Funny how we all have the same automatic answer! Everytime I hear myself saying it I wander if anyone actually believes it.

Hope you do good at the quiz Sue - I'm at one tomorrow night.

I've got my fingers crossed for a better night for you Patricia - look after yourself.

I hope Liam is in the game by now Helen. Did you find out what happened to his season ticket?

We all seem to be testing ourselves today. I'm a bit 'at odds with myself' because my daughter is having a few problems getting a new relationship off the ground. I think she is stressed enough already without more complications but I will just have to hang on in there and be there to support her if the need arises.

It is still a nice night here. Ailsa xx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

He`s in the game but not happy he`s missed the 1st goal! They reckon his ticket has been posted out but no sign yet. Will have to chase it up again as the next game is Monday night!!

Helen xx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi team just got back from dancing I am exhausted but it is just brilliant.
you should all try it. Its better than any tonic and just for a couple of hours you can forget everything, mainly cause if you dont concentrate you will trip over and end up in a heap on the floor...
Lovely sunny day here and its still warm out.
Hope you guys have had a good evening
lots of love and hugs
kaz xxxxxxxxxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi Everyone,
Sorry to hear about your loss Claire, but you will find a lot of support here i lost my husband and find this site has gave me a lot of support after all we have all lost someone we love.

Gayle What lovely pictures of your son, hope he got on ok at school and he had a nice birthday. I have had two friends in tonight so passed the night for me, they have been really good to me since Derek died. My son was down for tea tonight and we had a wee cry he misses his dad so much and has been unsettled since hiis dad died, and he thinks he would like to go to Austraila next year for a few months o my god what will i do without him but i don't want him to not go just because i am on my own. Kaz what kind of dancing is it you do?

Helen hope your son gets his season ticket sorted out and he enjoyed the football tonight once he got in.

Ailsa glad you are having some sun with you our weather has been awful here today very very wet think it had never rained before and just been like a winters night here (no luck for me)

Patricia hope you have a better night at work. Day off for me tomorrow so the usual housework needing done then i will go and see my dad and hopefully be dry to get him out a run in car.

Lynne hope your evening ok i know it's not easy to meet people for the first time. Well better get off to bed and see how i get on tonight slept not too bad last night but i think it was cause i was so shattered, i think i am going to have to give in and visit the doctor and see if he can give me something to help me sleep but would rather not. Sue hope you are ok glad you are having some nice weather please send some to Scotland. Speak soon.
Take Care
Fiona xxxxxxxxxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Morning all Well i survived the evening , it wasn't as bad as i thought , i relise now the sympathetic looks people give you are because they care . I'll catch up with all the posts later , my brain is not working very good (ok maybe a little to much wine ) i just caught sight of the picture Gayle , how cute is he ? Hope everybodyis ok and i'll talk later .. Have a good day everybody ..

Lynne xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PS dad really enjoyed it it was lovely to see him like that xx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi All,

Firstly (without trying to sound too soppy!) I want to thank you for all the lovely replies.

Well today is day 2 at work, but I am going to see the Doctor later as do think I need a bit of time to get my head around everything. As you may have seen from my profile, Dad was only ill for a very short time and it is still a shock that my lovely Dad who was laughing, joking and working in May is no longer here.
I am very lucky in that I have some very good friends, and they are brilliant with me. I think what I am finding difficult is coping with work colleagues, as some don't seem to know what to say or react, some haven't even spoken to me! I had a chat with my boss yesterday to say I think I came back too soon, and he agreed with me.

Thank you for listining to my rant!

Clairex

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My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?