My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Good evening everyone. Hello Claire. I am so sorry to hear that you have lost your Dad. I read your profile and it has all happened so quickly for you. I think the way your are felling is perfectly 'normal', if there is such a thing in our situation. Normal seems to be covering a huge spectrum of feelings from what I have read while I have been coming on here. One thing is for sure - you will find lots of support here. You are not much older than my children who have just lost their Dad. My eldest daughter is 29. My daughters both had about as much time off work as you after their Dad died but I know they both found it much more difficult to go back than they thought it would be. My youngest daughter seems to be coping a little better but she has far fewer responsibilities than her older sister. She lives in her boyfriends grandparents house not very far from me and has no children. My older daughter is doing a wonderful job and I am so proud of her but she has had a few 'hairly' moments since her Dad died. She has behaved very out of character on at least one occasion and possibly others that I haven't been told about. She lives much further away and is very independant as well as being a working single mother with a very demanding job. My son, who is 26 and lives nearby with his girlfriend seems to be a very angry young man since his Dad died.
For all of us tiredness had been a problem but I know we have all felt the huge black cloud hanging over us that you mention, for several days at a time.

The cloud will lift Claire and you will have days when you don't feel quite so teary. Then on another day the cloud may be there again and so will the tears. On those days I suggest you come on here and speak to us or some of the other wonderful people that post on here. On your happy days you might want to tell us about them as well. We've all been doing our best to help each other through this awful time.

It is hard to say whether you have gone back to work too soon. My advice would be give it a bit more of a chance. We all had a very bad first couple of weeks back at work and then random bad days after that. Most of us appreciate the routine of being back at work. You know you best. If you have any concerns at all you should consider a visit to your GP. Don' be afraid to lean on good friends. Take care. Ailsa xx