My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Thank you Patricia

love jmd x

Evening. Maureen I think Patricia is right & only you know your family well enough to know whether to tell them how bad you are feeling. It is definately the mother in you that makes you feel you should protect them from how you feel but in my experience they know, they just don't know what to do about it. When I was feeling as bad as you are I found the kids were hugely relieved if I told them so that they could stop being polite about it. They were very good about it and let me talk or cry & let it out. Then we would go a while not acknowledging my sadness til it got bad enough for me to say something again. The mother in you has to carry on for your family so please do as Patricia says and huddle in here. JMD I hope you will do the same as well. I saw a cruse counsellor about 8 months after Chris died and after a couple of meetings she told me that I needed to stop worrying quite so much about my childrens feelings because what they were experiencing was very, very different to what I was experiencing. Our grief at losing our other half is huge and we need to give ourselves a break from worrying about other people. Im sure you will both carry on keeping it in around your children but consider letting them know as well, you may be surprised how glad they are to help. Take care. Ailsa xxx

Hi all, especially our new penguins - listen to the wise words of Ailsa and Patricia and be kind to yourselves, eat chocolate and drink Baileys :-) (or cups of tea or hot chocolate).  Ailsa I'm so pleased you managed to enjoy your dvd and that you have it to treasure, I found a couple of video's a while ago that Steve was on (did I tell you on here?) on was Samantha's christening and it was the first time I heard him speak since he died and what did he say? "Hello t**d" charming way to speak to your baby daughter!  Dan and I cried laughing over that though.  The other video was from his holiday with his best mate and all I can say is it must have been a very strange holiday, Vod doesn't stop talking and Steve, as he doesn't want to be recorded, doesn't say a word, for miles and miles in the car, hours and hours around the aircraft museums..... nothing! 

Can't wait to see you all (them as is going) next weekend, even if I am getting wobbly about driving, I know I can do it and I love my new car so I WILL get there.  As you might see on POA I am having a self confidence crisis here and tonight didn't help when Sam and I thought someone was banging on the window.  Sam nearly freaked out completely, the dogs went mad and I thought it was Daniel but it wasn't and when he answered his home phone I sort of lost it a bit and he came straight over.  Apparently some neighbours had just let off some fireworks, he said it startled them (him and Georgina) too so when I phoned he thought that's what it had been but came over to check anyway.  I had a total melt down though and now feel really stupid but can't stop crying (Sam has now gone home too, so luckily on my own in a soggy heap)  Oh bum why did this have to happen?

Off to London tomorrow for the Professional Beauty show, long day ahead so MUST go and try to sleep.  Lots of love to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Go get some sleep Rosemary so that you can enjoy tomorrow. Try not to worry about the drive next week. You like your car and if I can do it so can you. The incentive of a great weekend & lots of catching up should help. So sorry you got such a fright tonight. My confidence is not what it used to be but we can't let that get the better of us - what is it JA says on FB? 'we are strong'. I do remember you telling about Steve's charming comment at Sams christening on the video - classic but makes you smile! Funny that Steve didn't speak at all on the other one. They are still lovely to have. Get some sleep & see you next weekend. Take care. Ailsa xxx

Oh Rosemary - a big comforting (((hug))) for you this morning.  I hope you did manage to get some sleep last night and are looking forward to your day out........

Truly there is nothing to feel stupid about when you feel so rubbish........Let out the tears and anguish - then come here to rant and rave as we all do!!  You know there will always be someone here that understands and offers a shoulder to lean on - and a very large glass of Baileys to fortify you.......Baby steps are the order of the day till you feel more able to cope again........

Have a lovely day out - hope the weather is kind to you.......

Love and more comforting ((((((hugs)))))))

Dot xxxx

Just trying to bump the thread up the list, having spent almost half an hour looking for it!!!!!   My friends, if you click on the 'add to favourites' button at the top of the page, I ccan only presume that it will allow us th find the thread more quickly. If not, I quit!!!!!!!

sue xx

Good idea Sue. I put the name of the thread in the search bar top right and found it that way. x x Very slow to load though. In my opinion the powers that be have yet again made things worse for the users.

I hope everyone is ok and soon manages to get the hang of it.

Love and angel hugs to you all x x x Patricia x x x

Thinking of you today Pam on Martin's anniversary. Sending lots of penguin support and holding you in the 'huddle'. I hope you manage to get through the day without too much trauma. (I have lit a special candle for you and Martin) x x

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Good gracious I don't believe it I've actually got here and the page has loaded quite quickly! Love to you Pam for today, I hope you have people with you for support but also time to yourself to remember Martin and feel close to him, lots of hugs for you dear and a Bailey or two waiting on the life raft xxxx I'm not meant to be here of course, I should be in Birmingham but my Geordie dog decided that this was the weekend (in fact 2 a.m. this morning to be precise) he was going to go down with kennel cough, so not only is it a bit of a worry and I don't like to leave him, but of course the kennels don't want him or his brother. Sam, bless her was trying to work out ways that she could have them for me but I would worry even more if she were here on her own overnight for two nights and she couldn't bring Kai so would have to keep going backwards and forwards during the days. Daniel of course hasn't offered and although someone suggested I just ask him outright (men don't do subtle do they?) it hurts me to admit that I wouldn't trust him to actually be here for them - I know he is just next door but he just wouldn't do it, he is bad enough (and his girlfriend too) with their THREE dogs and two horses, they don't have a routine and they don't do things at all like I think they should.... but that's another story, it just means I know he wouldn't commit to looking after my two and at best would pop in and feed them... at sometime. So here I am, pretending I'm on holiday at home and thinking I really must go and unpack the bags I packed last night and put away the glad rags. So I shall see if this posts now and send you all hugs and love - I will light the fire on the ledge tonight and have the hot chocolate going for all who would like to join me - Baileys being always available of course. xxxxxx