My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

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Dear All,

The Bereaved Partners Support Group will be holding its next session on Monday 15^th August. The Bereaved Partners Support Group (BPSG) is a support group for people who have lost their partners to cancer. The aim of the group is to create a regular space for people to share experiences and/or network with others who have experienced a similar kind of loss. It will be held at the Vale Community Centre in northwest London from 6:30pm – 8:30pm.

We aim to show people they are not alone in their grief and to support them through their loss. We will have the chance to share experiences over refreshments, and will also be planning some group activities for our members (both in-group activities and day outings) so do feel free to come along and let us know what you would like to do.

If you are bereaved please do feel free to come along. We are here to support you. And please do spread the word to anybody you think may benefit from the group.

Please see our website for details:

www.bereavedpartnerssupportgroup.com

Best wishes,

Erin Thompson

erin.thompson@bereavedpartnerssupportgroup.com

07761-466-713

Evening everyone,

Hope you are all well. Ailsa, well done on tackling the car issue.  Yet another hassle you didn't need but very brave and forthright in getting it done.  I know exactly how you feel about your friend as I am having similar problems.  I am just not getting on with my friend at the moment.  She wasn't around when W died, I only met up with her again about 8 months after.  But our friendship has deteriorated rapidly over the past few months.  She is very horrible when she is drunk and just has a very different outlook on what she wants in life to what I want.  We used to go out partying every weekend and that is exactly what I needed a year ago but now I have got it all out of my system and want to settle down but she doesn't and I am "boring" because I do.  Like you though I won't be able to confront her so I am doing my preferred option which is to ignore it and hope it will go away :)  Very mature lol.  We were also supposed to be going to Leeds Festival at the end of the month with her cousin and she and her cousin have now pulled out.  I knew she was going to as she was dropping huge hints but finally told me yesterday.  So if anyone wants to go to leeds festival I have 2 spare tickets lol?  I am going to try and find someone to go with me though as it is my favourite band playing so I would be gutted to miss it.  Apart from that life is very quiet.  Just working and spending time with the boys.  Ewan starts school on Wedneday which I am dreading.  Another milestone that W will miss and when did my baby get so big!  Plus its Jamies 7th birthday next Friday.  I am not dreading that as much as I have previous years so I suppose thats progress.  He wants to go to his favourite restaurant and then to the cinema to see Mr Poppers Penguins (he has a bizarre obsession with penguins oddly lol) with all the family so I am sure it will be a good night.

Lots of love and hugs to everyone else and hope you are all doing as okay as you can be.  I can't wait to see some of you in September as it feels like forever since I last saw you all and I have been missing you lots.  Can't wait for a proper penguin hug :)

Take care

Gayle xxx

Evening all.  Sorry one of your friendships has been a bother Gayle.  The girl who bumped my car brought the money round tonight so I sent a very nice text to my friend just to say I had gone ahead because it was already a few weeks since it happened.  No need to bother her husband but it would be lovely if we could still find time for a catch up - what do I get back? " Thanks for letting me know xx". So that doesn't look promising for the future does it?

It is a shame you might not get to Leeds festival Gayle.  Who were you wanting to see?

I'm glad you are not dreading Jamie's birthday this time round.  Hope you all have a lovely time out for your meal and the cinema afterwards.  I want to see Mr Poppers Penguins as well - Jamie has good taste!  I'll bet Ewan has a lovely time at school and you know you will be okay after a day or two.

Thanks for the hugs Dot.  I hope you are okay as well.  You sounded very cheerful the other day so I hope that ahs kept up.  I sold my van today as well so that's another milestone.  Cheated with that though as the mechanic who services it sold it for me.  I just need to get another car before the winter now.  Just seem to be launching from one trauma to another right now as I am not looking forward to dealing with car salemen next.  Nevermind - we've got it to do.

Right - off to bed.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Ailsa I am so sorry to hear that is the only response you got from your friend.  Our "normal" friends just don't get it do they.  My "friend" last week even made a snidey comment about all the nice posts I get from my widow friends on facebook as if I/we should be over it.  Its just a jealousy thing but still very unpleasant.  But that just sums it all up.  I'm glad you got the money for the car though and that is another box ticked without too much hassle from the girl that bumped into you.  Good luck with the car hunting and you will be fine.  My only advise for that is to go to a big garage.  I bought my cars from a big BMW garage since Wully passed and I know they are reputable and trustworthy (well as much as a car salesperson can be :)).  Ewan is very excited about starting school so that is half the battle.  It would be a lot worse if he wasn't wanting to go because then I really would be in a state.  Need to take them for their new haircuts tomorrow!  We went to see the Smurfs at the cinema tonight so that was good fun and then Jamie's birthday night out next week.  Good to hear Mr Poppers Penguins is good.  Jamie will love it.  I am going to see Muse at Leeds.  My favourite band so I just can't miss them.  Plus a band called The View from Dundee so H should know of them :)

Right I better get to bed.  Lots of love to my lovely penguins.

Gayle xxx

Hello everyone!  It seems if I sneak on here at this time of night I can get on - although my fingers are so stiff I can't type well but managing.  Haven't even been able to load the pages of late so really good to be able to catch up with you all at last. 

 Ailsa I can't believe your "friend" I think you are wll rid of her and her husband, they've past their sell by date for sure and wel done on sorting the car and the girl too.  I'm off to try a car tomorrow, a Volvo XC70, big enough for the dogs, all wheel drive for the winter but not a huge 4 x 4 so fingers crossed I like it and can be brave enough to do a deal with the nice man in the garage without feeling I have been taken for a mug like I was with the first one I bought after losing Steve. I want to get a good one sorted before driving to Birmingham, the Mondeo does it's job but I don't feel secure in it doing a long distance. 

Gayle I hope you can find someone to go to the festival with you, how mean of your friend to let you down, another one past her sell by it seems.  You can't miss it though and you deserve to get there.  Big big hugs for next week, little Ewan starting school - oh I remember my little Daniel going for the first time, he was so little and vulnerable and now look at him - big and vulnerable and trying not to look it!  Your sons are so lovely they do you proud and Wully would be so very proud of you brining them up as you are. 

Well I'm still getting there and swimming along, hopefully things are going to settle down a bit now mother in law has gone to join the others and sister in law has gone back to the US for a well earned break (I'd say holiday but she works her socks off there on her ranch, but it's home and it's different to the last year we have had here).  It hit me last week that I could so do with a holiday too, I have had to support and worry about the in-laws ever since Steve got ill and especially since he died and now I'm not sure what I feel, but it's very strange.  No holiday up coming though - someone asked me if I was going away this year and I said no maybe next year, Sam immediately said "yes you are you're going to Birmingham". Now much as I love you all and I am really looking forward to our weekend and it will be great, she really didn't see that as a holiday it didn't quite compare to getting away for a week or two - no honeymoon cruise or week at center parcs for me.  Next year I am really trying to plan a proper holiday but this seems to be another stumbling block for me, I can't seem to commit myself to going away for very long, I don't think I want to leave home, only just got myself doing the weekends with you all.  I've thought about going in this country and still can't do it - I ended up having the week with my sister and going out for days from here.  The only thing I can think that my mind can't cope with is that Steve was always here for me, we didn't go away together much in the last few years but he was the one that held the fort, was here when I came back and I don't know.... just it doesn't seem right. 

Oh bother just looked at the time, I really must go back to bed, the boys have been down, gone out for a midnight wee and gone back to their beds so hopefully I can go back to sleep too.  It's the thought of test driving cars and spending more money I think, it's worrying. 

Glad to be back, missed you all lots and I hope I can keep getting on or it will be a new computer next cos I can't lose my penguins!  Night night all love you lots xxxxxxx

Morning everyone xxxx

Ailsa and Gayle so sorry to hear about your `friends`. My 2 best friends dont really `get` it if I m honest. One asked me the other week `why cant you stay at home?` when I d booked another weekend away. Not sure of the answer to that but what s there to stay at home for?? dont get me wrong they re there if I ever need them but they ve both got their own families and can go weeks without seeing them.

Gayle if I could get time off work I d go with you! Imagine Liam`s face lol!! He ll be there xx I m off first week in September and hopefully going to Barcelona with G, I am so excited!!!

Rosemary glad you managed to get on at silly o clock!! You ve had so much to deal with, make sure you look after you too xx

I dont post here much but always pop on for a read and keep up to date on facebook.

Love and hugs to everyone, just keep swimming my lovely penguins!!! xxxxx

Hello everyone, npot been able to post properly for a while as my comp kept crashing on me. It seems to be ok at the moment though thanks to my lovely son and his ability to mend it.

Ailsa and Gayle, sorry to hear your so called friends have let you down. That is so sad. They obviously do not understand that they have snubbed two very lovely people.

Gayle, it is hard to imagine Ewan starting school. Where has the time gone? It seems like only yesterday you were sending Jamie Ihope I got his name right) to school fir the first time.

Ailsa, well done on sorting out the car problem. I knew you could do it. How are you and how is your dad?

Rosemary, it is time for you to look after yourself now. You are so lovely to everyone else but who looks after you?? I too was asked recently whether I was going on holiday and the person who asked me seems very surprised when I said no. Well honestly, where exactly did she think I was going to go on my own I wonder?  Anyway, good look with the car buying. I hope it goes smoothly.

Helen, people just do not understand that sometimes it is easier to be away from the house than be in it without the person you most long for. ((hugs))

Dot, how are you and your 'action man'? I hope you are both managing to enjoy some of this lovely summer weather.

To every9one who posts here I hope you have the best day you can.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Hi Patricia! And anyone else looking in of course. Having one of those nights - well early mornings really, couldn't sleep so finished the book I was reading and then tried again, but no, so I came down and made coffee, tried the tv but who really cares how popular Obama is?  So that went off and the computer went on.  Not sure what's going on in my head or emotions at the moment, things to worry about (car, Daniels business, setting up Sam's business, money, banks, dogs) but not so much that as I just have a vast flat feeling and the words aren't coming out even on here so that is usually a sign that I can't talk about it even to myself. Better just keep swimming I suppose, at least treading water for a while.

Think I have found a car, or at least the amazing and determined sales man came up with one and I threw out a deal and he's accepted it, so I will be seeing it later this week and will have a (fingers crossed) safe and reliable car to get me to Birmingham and through the winter too (and many more, this one has to stay for a good few years).

Kofi at the vet's today to have a small lump removed from his ear, hopefully nothing wrong with it but in light of the one removed from his side and it's nasty cells in that one I will be glad to get this one seen too,  Not looking forward to his recovery from the anaesthetic but hopefully it should be better than last time - the ACP/Vetergesic had a bad reaction with him and he cried and whined for a whole week - but Daniel had to choose today for me to look after his pup, Chase.  When I said that Kofi was having his op and it wasn't good timing he asked couldn't the vet hold onto him for a while longer.  I give up, sometimes he is very selfish and thoughtless.

Ok coffee finished and the light is spreading across the sky, what chances of grabbing another hours sleep?  Slim to remote but I'll give it a go, lots of love to you all, catch up with you later xxxxx

Oh Rosemary.......I'm so sorry I don't live closer so we could share an early morning coffee together!!!  (I'm always an early bird!!!)

You need a (((hug))) and some TLC.......Both are winging their way to you from me with love  Dot xxx

PS - I thought I was the only one with a selfish son.....loving and generous most of the time - he does have his thoughtless times too xxxxx

Hello to you all. I dont know if you remember me - my hubby died last christmas. I am getting more used to being without him but I feel 'dog tired' I dont know how else to describe it. I am trying to plan things so that we always (i have teenagers)have something to look forward to. We have short holidays with plenty of action, completely different from the sort of holiday we took when jack was alive. My son gets his A Level results tomorrow and it is also what would have been Jacks 53rd birthday. So many difficult dates and anniversarys to get through. i have nothing planned for the bank holiday but to be honest I dont know that i have the energy - I just wasnt expecting life to be this draining. Its not all bad - the kids seem to be coping well and i have made a few new friends, and picked up with some old ones - now I am making a lot of effort with friendships. Well... best wishes to you all

Clare xx