My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi Everyone

Rosemary thinking of you, sending ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))).

Patricia Congratulations on becoming a grandma

Love to everyone else

Teri xx

Many congratulations, Grandma Patricia - 

A garden of Love grows in a Grandmother's heart.

Rosemary, sending hugs to you for what must be a very, very difficult time. 

xx

Hello to you all.  I am still in this limbo place between my husbands death and his funeral on Wednesday. i wanted to ask you - I know its a morbid question but did any of you go to see your husband in the chapel of rest before the funeral. I am going to see Jack because I just really need to see him one more time but I know some people dont do this. My children dont want to which is fine - they can remember him as he was - what are your thoughts?

Congratulations Patricia on being a Grandmother, what a lovely start to the new year.

This is for Pammie - I read what you said about taking down last years calendar and I know just what you mean. I was looking through all last years dates and I was in bits. Hubbie compiled one of those calenders for 2011 that you can make with photos on the computer and it is in the kitchen but I cant put it up yet. He chose all the photos that were really special and it is heartbreaking for me to look at it.

Hugs to you all

Clare x

Hi Clare

I brought my hubbie home as I had promised him before he died. He was laid out in his hobby room, the one he was neve well enough to use, The kids all came to see him also his grandson who was 8 wanted to see him too. I was a bit dubious but as he said he is only my grandad he wont hurt me. So we let him go, He spent a lot of time with him in that room drawing him pictures,talking to him just as if he was still alive. I am positive that this helped him in the grieving process. However, I did put my foot down when he wanted to come to the Crem. Not many people wanted to go and see him which was fine but I took great comfort from ihaving him here. So I guess what I am saying is go and see your Jack and say goodbye.

Sending you strength to get through the funeral

Love Teri

Well hello my lovely, lovely penguins. I am going to start by saying that, I do not know how I would have survived the last three and a half  months without you all here.  You have held me up when I was drowning, made me smile when I was sad, gave me hope when I had none, Fed me Baileys when I felt bad. Hows that for a bit of poetry then.  But, seriously, I mean every word.  You have all been there for me, even when you have been feeling down yourselves.  We have been through a stressful couple of weeks, but that is over and done now and we have to start this whole new year.  For some of you it is not the first, for some of you, like me, it is.  But I would wish you all the best year it can possibly be for you. 

Dear Rosemary, you have really been there for me, even though you are having bad times of your own.  I  would love to be able to take the pain away, but that is something I cannot even do for myself, so I will just wish you the strength to see you through.  I know you are not having an easy time, and just want you to know that I am here with the fur lined boat and the Baileys (or hot chocolate if you prefer). Some many many big fat ((((((((hugs)))))))))))) for you and for your MIL too. 

Dottee, you are often there with a kind word for everyone, even though you have been through a dark time.  I hope that this year will be as kind to you as it can be.

Oh Patricia, congratulations on your new grandaughter, I bet you are so proud.  It is so great to hear of a new life in this new year.  (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))  to you and little baby (((((((hugs)))))) to your new arrival.

And to our new Clare, only you can decide whether you want to see Jack in the Chapel of Rest.  I, personally, did not, but that was my choice, a close friend of mine did and it gave her some sort of peace.  So I think that if you want to see him, then you should.  Remember what they say, you do whatever you need to get you through.  I will be thinking of you on Wednesday.  It will not be an easy time, but Clare, you will get through this.  It will be hard, but it is the next step and we do get the strength to carry us through.  I did not think I could do it, but I did and you will too and make him proud.

It was very traumatic with the calender, but like everything else, it was done, I am still here, the world is still turning.  There are so many firsts to go through, but we do somehow find the strength.  One thing I will say is to keep posting and looking at this thread. It might be the one thing that keeps you sane while your world is turning upside down.

Well, that is me finishing the waffle for today.  It is a positive day, which is good, but that does not mean tomorrow will be good too.  It could just as well turn into another day of tears.  But the one thing I do know is that you will all be there for me.

THank you all my lovely penguins, and great big (((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))) to you all.

Pam xx

ps. hope to meet some of you in Liverpool.  This will be another first, but one I am looking forward to xx

Gary's funeral is also on Wednesday.  I am still undecided as to whether to go to see him one last time.

Part of me wants to, but I need to remember him as he was before he was struck down with terminal cancer.

Two and a half weekds is a long time to wait to say the final goodye, (Gary died peacefully at home on 17 December.) 

We have already had several firsts in what will be a year of firsts.  The first time I traveled to see our grandchildren without him, the first Christmas, the first Christmas cards from the children addressed to only "mum" or "grandma"

I miss Gary so much it hurts.  I can only pray that in time I will be able to think of him in loving rememberance, without so much pain.

Dear Clare and Daffie,

I went to see Alan in the chapel of rest the day before his funeral. I decided to do it because I could then have no regrets, because it would have been too late.  i went alone, as none of the children (all grown-up) wanted to go.

The body looked nothing like the Alan i knew and loved, but at least I know that I went. (Does that make any sense at all?) I placed a red rose in his hands, and tucked a letter and photo inside his jacket. It was for my own peace of mind, and nothing else.

Good luck with your decisions - it has to be what is right for you.

Sue xx

Hi everyone ..... first time on this site in 2011 but am sure it will prove to be a lifeline like many of you have said. 

Congratulations to Grandma Patricia:-)

Clare - I went to see Carl (and also my mum) in the chapel of rest.  I thought i'd be there a good hour talking to him and saying goodbye but I only stayed 5 minutes.  Its strange to describe but it wasn't my Carl in the coffin, it was the body of a man who had died of cancer but my Carl was nothing like that man.  I know that doesn't make sense, but I came away peaceful knowing that the day of the funeral I wouldn't be scared of thinking about him in the coffin because the person I knew had left that body a long time before.  He was cremated and I was glad that the cancer had been burnt away and couldn't hurt anyone else.  The sadness and grief now is for the real Carl that should still be here.  But like Sue, I left photos and notes with him from me and the children, gave him a kiss and promised I'd find him when my turn comes.  Its such a personal descision but for me seing him one last time was defintely the right one.

Take care - Janet xxx

Big congratulations Patricia. New baby hey, nothing like it nothing its so wonderful.

To all a big hug.

Kay

Evening everyone.  Congratulations Patricia on the safe arrival of your little grand-daughter.  What a lovely, lovely way to begin a new year.

Rosemary I hope you are okay.  I always seem to come on here to late in the evening to say anything that is going to make any difference but when you eventually read this know I am thinking about you and hoping you are okay.  I know this is a difficult enough time for you without this added worry.

My New Year was fine.  It was definately less scary than last year.  I remember the awful feeling that I was leaving Chris behind in 2009 when last New Year came round.  I didn't have that to contend with this time so that is one of those little steps in the right direction.  I am hoping I can have a few more positive steps this coming year.  It is Chris's birthday on Thursday.  I feel different about that as well this time.  I will not be going to work on that day but then I never have.  It is the 12th day of Christmas - the day the decorations traditional must come down.  Chris & I always had the ritual of taking them down, clearing away and putting up his birthday cards.  I am happy to do the same this year.  My son has offered to cook my tea at the end of Thursday which I think will be a nice way to end the day.  I have been doing a lot of reflecting this Christmas and am hopeful that after Thursday I can look forward to whatever this coming year has in store for me.  Which reminds me that I really must get my train tickets for Liverpool booked.

Clare & Daffie, regarding visiting your loved ones before the funerals - I visited Chris a lot before his funeral.  I think I went everyday for the week leading up to his funeral.  I suggest you do whatever you are most comfortable with.  I can't explain why I went so often but I enjoyed talking to him.  The first time I wanted to make sure he was dressed as he would want to be.  Chris had a small photo album that he always took into hospital with him.  The kids chose more pictures to fill it and we put that in with him.  Stu put a cricket ball in the coffin (they were both cricket coaches!) and Chris's brother put a photo in his inside pocket.  So that is just my exprience but maybe you can see that it really is up to how you feel - there is no right or wrong way to do it.  I am so sorry for your loss and will be thinking of you both.

Well I am back at work tomorrow so I had better get off to bed.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx