My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Congratulations Patricia, what lovely news to read and I am sure you are every bit the proud granny xxx

To glitterface, yes I went to see Ray in the funeral home chapel of rest. I went every day and even on the day of the funeral. I read out the words which I was going to read out at t he funeral and asked for his approval. Two of my three went to see their dad. The third did not feel the need but then he was with him throughout his illness and I think would have foind it too hard to see him in his coffin. It is whatever you feel the most comfortable with. So sorry for your loss and I hope you manage to get through the day of the funeral ok.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Congratulations to Grannie Patricia............so good to have news of a new baby.....

Love and (((hugs)))

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxx

Well I did go to see Jack - my sister and BIL came with me. For me it was very much how Janet described. It didnt look like my Jack - his face was sunken and the expression was all wrong. I had a few minutes alone with him but that was all.I don't regret it because I would always be wondering what I would have missed if I didnt see him - however I dont think it has benefited me. Like someone said - it is a very personal thing.

Daffie - i hope things go as well as they can do tomorrow. I dont know how I will sleep tonight but I am going to try my best to stay composed. My kids are 14 and 18 and their hearts are breaking. As is mine.

Clare x

Claire and Daffy sending you love and strength for tomorrow and a proper penguin hug xxxx

I've read through the last few pages but can't remember all I wanted to say (have congratulated Patricia, but more hugs for you Granny! xxx).  Ailsa I will especially be thinking of you on Thursday, wish I could do more to help but I'm glad New Year wasn;t so bad for you this time round xxxxxxxxx

Went to Southampton with m-i-law for her PET scan, results next Tuesday.  Also saw f-in-law today and the difference since Sunday is frightening and so heartrenching as he reminded me of the Steve I lost, his face and his breathing.  He was barely awake but seemed to know I was there and knew who I was too, but when I left he had tears in his eyes.  I've asked Steve to stay with him for now, he can come home to me when the time is right but his dad needs him at the moment and I don't know if he can be two places at once. 

Dearest Rosemary - I am so sorry that you are in this place with constant reminders of Steve and his illness.......   You have helped so many with your humour, kindness and wisdom.........please let me join you on your ledge with hot choc and a big big ((((hug))))....I feel you need it more than you say

Love and more (((hugs)))

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hello penguins, new years best wishes to you all.

I am finally back at home. It has been a long and difficult couple of weeks for us all. I have been reading all your posts regularly but unable to post back because of poor internet access. There seems to be little point in going through it all now, it was hard in reality not as bad as expected but hard.

I saw his daughter and we went out for dinner yesterday, we chatted lots but not about Mark, his name was bearly mentioned. Strange but it is just nice to stay in touch. we ate too much and both went home stuffed, she invited me to her birthday party in february which was nice, it will be hard as it will be with her family , her mum and step dad but it was so nice to be asked. It will be her 18th birthday, a day Mark should have been there for, i'll have to be there for both of us.

I had a dream of Mark last night, unfortunately it was bitter sweet, he was ill and i knew he was dying but trying so hard to be independant, not matter how much I wanted to help. Not how it really was as he only got a very short time to fight and was so brave. But it brought back the feelings of clinging on to every shred even the hard and distressing times. Sucha shame that when I finally have a dream of him it is so distressing. But with it came the huge full hearted love that comes when caring for your loved one when they need you. some feelings are so bitter sweet.

Enough of that

Rosemary I want to give you a huge but very gentle hug like wrapping you in cotton wool. It must be so hard for you to watch. Although we expect to loose our parents, to watch them go that way is not actually that often and to have had to watch your husband first is so unfair. My thoughts are with you.

Ailsa thoughts are with you for thursday.

to our new penguins clare, glitterface and Janet so sorry you have cause to join us but we will be here to support if we can. These are very difficult early days so be kind to yourself.

Patricia congratulations on becoming a Granny.

to all those who i haven't mentioned sorry, too many posts to remember. but pass around the baileys and lets all get swimming again.

big HUGS

Becky

Claire and ~Daffie O dpo hope you manage to get through tomorrow safely.

Dot, I hope you are managing to get through the days and nights and getting some sleep. Love to you and Alan (hope he is feeling a little better).

Rosemary, thinking of you and your family at this very difficult time. It never rains but it pours (((((hugs))))

To all who are struggling, I am extending my flippers to wrap around you all and give you special hugs.

To those who are happy, I am really pleased for you.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Rosemary - you've been popping into my mind all day.  I'm sending you lots of ((((((hugs)))))).  It is such a lovely thought that Steve is just away to watch over his Dad for now and will be back to you when the time is right.  He will be keeping one eye on you as well you know!  Take care.  Ailsa xxx

Evening Penguins, Claire and Daffie i hope you get through tomorrow and i am sending you both a big hug. Sorry i have not been posting but as some of you know i went to Kim's on Hog and Charlie started being sick at 11.45 and went on being sick all night, well he quickl;y recovered on New Years day but  then Kim and G took it then i took it on the 2nd so we have all been feeling rough, i feel a lot better tonight, but a horrible sickness bug, when i am ill i feel so down as well as nobody to look after me although Darren was good it's just not the same so i have had a lot of tears in the last two days. Rosemary sending you a big hug  must be so hard having to watch your fil going down  hill. Patricia congratulations on becoming a granny you will love it, Charlie has made a big differance to me and i just love having him. Mind you he is getting into everything now and you can't take your eyes off of him for a minute. I am sorry i am not going to make the Liverpool meet but i have New York in April so can't do everything. Ailsa i will think of you on Thurs, and like all the other penguins don't know where i would be if i had not replied to your post. Dot sending you a hug and i hope Alan is feeling better. Helen i hope you had a nice NY with G. Lynne i am so pleased you are happy as you are a lovely lady and deserve some happiness. I really have to try and get out more this year and not depend on Kim so much. Sending hugs to everyone else i have not mentioned. Fiona xxxxxxxxxxxxx